Terrified.

Hello everyone, I'm in the final stretch to my surgery...it's scheduled for the 27th. I'm having VSG and honestly I am just terrified. From everything I've read I'll never really eat like a normal person again. I'll never really be able to grab a fast food sandwich with my friends.

I'm a big guy, and some heart complications that ended up being viral in nature scared me into making some serious life style changes. However, as of Monday my girlfriend of the last year left me, and I find myself going through the phase 0 diet completely alone.

I want to know that I'll eventually be normal again. I know that's stupid. I want to lose weight, I want to live a healthier life. I just also don't want to feel so completely isolated from everyone around me. As it stands I've missed two of my siblings birthdays (Why invite the guy who can't eat, that's just rude), and my brother is getting married on the 22nd...of which I will be surrounded by catering and completely incapable of enjoying anything even socially. 

The surgery scares me, but what comes after is truly terrifying me and I'm not sure if it's just because I'm depressed or if I'm really having second thoughts. 

I'm not sure I have a question here, but I'll ask some anyway.
How often did you throw up after your surgery? I know there is no universal solution, but how did you handle everything? Are there steps I can take to relax? Will I ever find happiness in food again?

I hate to tell you but..

• You will never be normal
• Yes..food is always a challenge..god or bad - its your choice.
• You may find good people on your journey..or jerks... It's  up to you to pick the ones you want to stick around.
• You can find a great person as a mate..eventually... You have to be open to that
• The extra skin - you already have It - now it is filled with fat.. I pick the empty skin..lose skin.. 
• Plastic are reality... Start saving if the lose skin is a major issue for you
• Get real... Being fat is worse that any of the above... 

Btw - after my WLS I was dating a "big guy" for a very short time... He got winded walking 4 blocks... And his priority was foods... Mine was " life"... That's why we were not compatible. 

I am with a "normal" guy for over 5 years.. I respect t his eating choices ..he respect mine... My family and frinds are help us I get full on one plate... And look great .... 

Do what you need... But if you are not ready for WLS and the type of life and dedication  it requires - don't do it. 

If you are not desperate enough to do what it takes to get healthy and skinny - don't have the surgery. . wait until you are ready... 

Hey there, Ardiem!  You have come to the right place!  Your post is loaded with stuff, so I apologize for what I'm sure will be a lengthy reply.  

First, congratulations on making the decision to give yourself a chance at a happy and healthy life.  It's a life-altering move, but I promise you it will be worth it.  

Here is a breakdown of what I am hearing from you and hopefully some sound advice:

You're afraid.  This surgery will change you.  Change is scary and hard, especially when you are still in the "before" stage because there are a lot of unknowns.  I was scared too.  I fought back tears of fear in the pre-op room.  

No, you won't ever eat like you did before.  This is a wonderful thing!  Eating like a "normal" person got you to this point and in order to see change we have to make it happen.  Pre-op I was a sugar addict.  Post-op, I am finally free of the cravings and feeling guilty for caving in to them.  I have more energy than ever and my insides are healthier too!  

Many of us turned to food to celebrate, deal with feelings of sadness and stress, and just about every reason in between.  This surgery will change your relationship with food.  My advice is to see a therapist to help you cope with your feelings about food.  

There is life after surgery.  This is not a punishment.  How you interact with food at social gatherings will change and it will take some mindful decisions and commitment to yourself.  You will learn a new "normal" for yourself and the people around will just go with it unless you make it into a big deal.

You need support. I'm sorry that you are dealing with a breakup during what is already a challenging time.  It sucks.  You made a great choice to post here and look for support.  There's lots of it and someone is always willing to help if you need it.  Warning: Sometimes we need tough love too and OH members will not always tell you what you want to hear, but you will certainly get honest advice that will help you.

Stay focused on why you are doing this.  If you need to, write it on a post-it and put it somewhere prominent.  

In addition to OH, try to find at least 1 or 2 family members or friends who you can count on for support.  Let these people be there for you and go to them when you need help.

Is there a support group associated with your program?  If so, commit to going to the meetings.  If not, start one or find an overeater's anonymous group that you can attend.  

As far as your questions go:

I did everything in my power to avoid throwing up and haven't yet.  I eat slow and wait 20 minutes (at least) to have water.  I followed the stages my program laid out for me and even though I was craving a scrambled egg in the worst way 2 weeks post surgery, I waited until the 3 week mark when my program said it was allowed.  Follow your program to the "t" and if you feel like you might throw up, slow down or go back a food stage until you can tolerate things.

Follow your pre-op diet, if you have one, and give yourself the best chance of success.  You deserve it!!

Something I did to deal with the anxiety pre-surgery was keep busy.  I kept my mind off of it, other than tracking my food each day, by reading, crocheting, walking, and finishing up a semester of school (literally the only time I was happy to have more work than I could handle!). 

Also, like I said before, remind yourself as often as you need to why you are doing this.  Turn your anxiety into excited energy- excited for the life you will have soon!  

I hope that this was helpful in some way and I truly wish you the best in your journey.  Please keep us all posted on how you are doing, the good, the bad, and the ugly!  Take care!

I can go to a wedding and walk around with a glass of water or diet soda and have a good time talking with everyone and dancing.  Food is optional for me and has been since six months before my surgery.  I made up my mind that health is more important than any food.

If we are morbidly obese, likely we never ate like "normal" people, anyway.  Also, you can eat a lot more further out.  I am struggling with this now, actually.  I miss my one month after post-op days, boy howdy.  I can easily eat way too much.  I could probably eat an entire sandwich.  I don't, because I portion everything.

My husband of 12 years left me, and I did my entire surgery, pre-op and post-op, by myself with help from friends now and then.  I would never have been able to get this while I was married, and it was partially my fault - I was quite codependent.  Now I'm the opposite.  I joke with my counselor that I went from being passive aggressive to aggressive-aggressive, lol.  While I don't have family, I have very good friends.

Everyone sane has second thoughts for weight loss surgery.  It's a big step and a drastic change.  

As for events, even if I can't eat I go.  If you aren't getting invited, well, talk to them about it and say you'd like to go.  You can steadily drink the whole time.  Post-op holidays are more enjoyable I find, because I'm focused on events rather than food. It's emotionally difficult, because for many of us food was an expression of emotion, a statement, a comfort.  Now we have to rely on actions and events.  I very quickly realized who my friends were.

As for steps to take to relax, one comment stood out: happiness in food is ephemeral.  It is fleeting and transitory.  I enjoy food.  It no longer makes me happy. In truth it never did, because the "joy" we found eating mindlessly is not true happiness.  It disguises our upsets and discontent and dissatisfaction.  True happiness, yeah it sounds dorky, it comes from being satisfied with ourselves and our choices.  It comes from having faith in ourselves and from the pleasure of being able to live. Surgery removes our ability to rely on this for a time.  It's up to you how you make the most of this self-exploration.  It is frightening and alarming at first, but also very worthwhile.

I know how hard it is to wrap your brain around what it will feel like once you have recovered from the surgery. It feels incredibly normal. Yes, you eat a very small portion- but you experience the same exact level of satiety from it. You do lose most if not all of your hunger, but it doesn't feel weird. It just isn't there. The only "weird" thing I suppose that instead of feeling hunger you feel a weird sort of empty. Not unpleasant nor uncomfortable, just different. 

If your siblings would not want you to attend a family function because you are not eating in the same manner then shame on them. 

You will not feel isolated as a result of the surgery. That is something you might feel despite the surgery. 

One change about how I view food is that I now appreciate quality over quantity. Food tastes better now that I eat healthier consistently. 

Throwing up, been there and done that. It is unpleasant, but I found it unpleasant before surgery as well. Don't chicken out. Get your butt into a support group, I suspect it would be enormously helpful to you. Good luck!

What is "normal?"  My way of eating now is VERY similar to the way my thin friends eat.  So the way I eat is certainly normal for someone.  It's just a new and different normal than it used to be.  

Do you have access to a support group?  Family?  If you don't have one already, a therapist will be a HUGE help to you during this process.  

You'll only be as isolated as you let yourself be.  If your family didn't invite you to things - that's on them for being jerks, not because of you.  I've never had issues socializing post-op.  I just don't eat much and actually spend more time socializing, which is pretty great.  

It will be good for you to work to separate socialization from food.  Work to find different ways to socialize.  Go for walks, watch a movie, go to a museum, go rock climbing, play board games.. the options are limitless.  

I threw up a few times in month 3 because I had a weird spasm issue, it was resolved quickly and I  haven't thrown up since.  (I almost threw up two weeks ago, but that was because of the combination of antibiotic and cat dissection in a class... nothing to do with VSG!)  

I find a lot of happiness in food.  Always have, I'm sure I always will.  But now I find happiness in everything else too.  :D  

For relaxation, I recommend the Headspace app.  And, again, I really recommend that you see a therapist.  

You will have your own normal. You can go out with buds and have a burger. I buy the kids meal take off the top of the bun and fold it up, give my friends the fry.s I think at first I took the meat off and just ate it. Food isn't that important to me. I have a few things I eat and know what its ok. Your priorities will change. I have been on cruise s and done just fine.

I never threw up and was never nauseous. My new normal is much smaller portions and mostly protein but I go out to eat and to functions all the time - I just choose differently.  And I actually enjoy my food more because I stop when my pouch feels tight which is so much better than eating until overfull (as I used to).

I'm just 6 weeks out . Thankgiving just happened and I went to two family events. I found that people did not notice how little I ate because they were doing their thing and not really interested in what I was doing . I enjoyed both .  Now I am probably older and if I need to say my piece I will . In other words , if I think you need to learn from me I will help you do that .

I want to live as long as I can there is so much to see and do and obesity is not only hampering my life but is absolutely shortening it.  As it is yours!  Not an easy idea to argue with if your willing to look people in the face and tell them that. The more facts you give them the more they back off  the more they learn and try to understand and the more you understand them. 

Its also important  to understand that those around you need time to adjust , especially Mama's who maybe enjoyed feeding you . 

I have noticed that my friends and relitives who are obese even if they are smaller then me are less comfortable with what I've done. I suppose they look at me and it reminds them of what they do not want to think about in themselves.  They can be the rudest. 

I have not thrown up . I listen to my body a new skill I'm learning so I  measure my food and don't venture past that point. I enjoy my food . In fact I would say some foods taste even better then they did  before.  I'm experimenting with new recipes. 

I do think others are right about seeking help and support, you can't do this without that . That will help with the fear. 

That will help you identify small attainable goals that will keep your mind focused.

well that was a rant and a half ... sorry about that . 

Good luck on your journey. Stay strong .