anyone else feel like this

  My surgery is scheduled February 3rd I'm private-pay. I've been fighting this since I was 10 years old, I can lose weight, I mean 50+ lbs, only to regain time and time again.  The weight makes me feel shame, and invisible, I tend to isolate when I'm heavy, I'm tired of living like this.   My problem is I'm healthy....Yeah I know, that's awful!

  I've always been active, I'm a nurse, and I'm raising an 11 year old.   I don't have medical issues other than achy knees when I first get up, I feel shallow and ungrateful that I cannot accept being overweight, the jolly fat person, but I can't. 

 I'm on pre op no sugar, no white flour, stopped at my doctor yesterday, down 10 lbs in a week,been reading here, lots of water, no soda, lots of lean protein, it's working!   Does everyone second guess this choice?  My oldest daughter will raise my 11 yo if things don't go well.it bothers me that I'm even willing to do this, I just feel I'm tired of the fight.  Had a failed lap band for 11 weeks, that was 11 years ago, only time in my life I felt full.  Thanx for being here.

Hi there :) 

As I read your post, I wondered if you ever considered counselling to combat why you feel shame for being overweight.The surgery is a procedure on your stomach and not your mind, there are no guarantees that you will overcome the feelings you have now with weight loss. Although there are wonderful stories of success. There are no guarantees that you or I will be among them, is it worth it? And if so, are you ready to accept the outcome. 

I am a month postop and trying very hard to come to terms with my decision. Like you I was fairly healthy and free of any comorbidities but the weight was slowing me down and I was tired of being fat. I combat the feeling that I exchanged a life that was fairly healthy with one filled with health unknowns. 

I continue to learn more and more as a postop, and I can't shack the feeling that I would not have done this knownin what I know now. 

Today I learnt that it's recommended to wear a medic alert bracelet noting your surgery, no NG tube and NSAIDS. I am glad I know this now :) But it saddens me too.

All the best.

Shame ....I feel it, as if I could fix this if I just stopped eating.  I have gone to counselling, I'm actually a pretty active, positive person...I feel weakened by food, and my inability, after all these years, of not getting a handle on this. I believe that is where the shame comes from...I'm sorry you are having such a tough time

Shame is a deep emotion that most women feel. Have you heard of Brene Brown? She's written amazin books on the idea of shame and how it impacts us. 

It's hard when we internalize self hatred without realizing it as result of years of feeling shame. 

This surgery will not stop you from eating badly. You will eat less, but the size of your stomach will not determine what goes into it. You make that decision. I can tell you that I dont feel "hungry" right now but I still feel that emotional pull towards food. In time, the feeling of hunger returns to many, cause gherlin is not only produced in the stomach. As such, you will still need to make that difficult choice between healthy food and bad food that's led you to this point. 

Thank you :) I am wanting to get back to that positive and active person. It may take sometime but day by day.  

I'm going to look for that book!  I am also an emotional eater, luckily, I am an equal opportunity eater, I mix it up, salads, chicken, fish, along with all the sweets and fats that will remain unmentioned...For me, it was quantity, and of course the cursed night eating.  Are you in pain?  Are you still on clear liquids? Puree?  Are you able to walk without pain? 

I am one month postop today. I am still on soft foods and have had no issues lately eating my 1/4 cup of food at time. I dont have thr sensation of fullness nor that mental satisfaction, it's more of physical feeling of tightness in chest, a pressure around my temples and I realize that I need to stop. The funny thing like a former lapbander I use to experience slimy vomits if I overate, yesterday I started to feel that slime form loool and I was welcome back of old friend. I think sleeved folks call this discharge the foamies. I immediately stopped eating and did not vomit. 

I walk easliy, but get exhausted quickly. I am giving myself another three weeks before I hit the gym. 

I am an overeater as well, I think the issue isn't that we overeat but what we overeat. I always chose the wrong foods and hence weight gain. I binged on all the wrong things. I think there are medications now that manage this urge to binge, didn't know that it recently. 

I tried belviq last year, it worked for month. I get it, when I was eating everything in sight,(like a week ago), I never reached for the broccoli... Funny how that works.  Im thinking the issue is both, my choices are terrible, and I can eat till I'm bloated and in actual pain, it's really pretty gross.  I watch my grandson eat (my 11 year old) and he eats a cup of cooked pasta and broccoli, and he is done...What the heck!!!  

Brene Brown is an inspiration!  I have, I think, all of her books (at least as of 2014).  She's also in recovery, so she totally understands shame and guilt.  Her work should be required reading.  It does help to ease some internal pain and struggles.

>Today I learnt that it's recommended to wear a medic alert bracelet noting your surgery, no NG tube and NSAIDS.

My doctor said this is absolutely not necessary.  (Dr. Schweitzer, head of Johns Hopkins Bariatric Center of Excellence)

I had VSG surgery 20 months ago. One of the best decisions of my life. Would do it again in a heart beat!! YMMV.

When I was in the surgery prep room, there were several nurses attending to me, and of course talking with me as they did various things to get me ready for the operation. The one nurse had been through RNY a number of years ago, and asked me how much weight I had lost on the pre-op program. When I replied I was down 67 pounds in four months, she said, "Wow, I'm surprised they're just not having you keep on the old fashioned way!"

I thought, "Now's a good time to bring THAT up, lady!"

I second guessed myself almost every day, right up to that point.  That was just the climax  I am three months post op and glad I did it  I would do it again.  Good luck with it!

 ETA: I was very healthy, and active, but I was also very much overweight, and I knew my good health was going to crumble sooner or later.