Terrified

Arbiter_Perigee
on 1/21/17 7:02 pm
VSG on 01/25/17

My VSG is coming up on the 25th and I'm absolutely terrified. I feel like I might be more terrified of not having the surgery though.

I've done really well on the pre-surgical diet, followed it to a T and found it fairly easy. Now my brain thinks somehow I can do it without the surgery but I'm pretty sure without the surgery that I'll stay on the diet for 2-3 months and then quit again like I always do.

I've been waiting for surgery since 2005 (moved out of Canada and had to restart the process and the wait again when I returned) so I really, really, really do not want to chicken out because of false feelings of confidence and my fear of surgical complications. I can't really talk to my friends about it as they don't share my weight struggle, though they try to understand.

I also am struggling a lot with feelings of inadequacy, primarily, I feel like a failure for not being able to lose weight without aid, which, when I think about it calmly is ridiculous; is a heroin addict failing when they take methadone to try and quit, no absolutely not. But the feeling is still there.

I also struggle with the fact that I hate my body, even though I am an active member of body positivity groups and fat acceptance movements. I'm doing the surgery for my health, not vanity, but the constant stream of vitriol spewed at obese people by individuals and the media really gets to me and prevents me from being able to love what I actively work to promote acceptance for. I also feel like I am somehow letting one of my causes down by trying not to be what I fight so hard to gain acceptance and peace for.

I'm sorry if I am rambling, I'm very shy and it is difficult for me to put myself out there like this. It also doesn't help that this process seems to have made me much more emotional than I usually am (did anyone else experience an increase in emotional vulnerability prior to surgery?).

I essentially just wanted to know if anyone else experienced anything similar to this? I think I just need someone I can relate to.

Thank you for your time 

Sai F.
on 1/21/17 7:48 pm
VSG on 09/02/16

I think all those feelings are something we all can relate to. My situation was different in that I had the lap band for many years, relatively successful, and my surgeon wanted me revise to the sleeve. However, even though our situations are different, I remember having quite a few second doubts. Like, well "I'm not having a problem on the pre-op so maybe I can just do it on my own, keep my band completely unfilled so I won't get future issues". I must've came up with a zillion reasons not to have the second surgery but like you, I was more terrified of not having it. I didn't want to wake up at 293 lbs. again. I knew without a tool, I would eventually fall off the band wagon, and find myself in a world of hurt again.

Feelings of inadequacy is common too among all of us, I believe. We are strong in so many facets of our lives. Many times, far more stronger, have more willpower in education, jobs... Etc. but the inability to take weight off, and keep it off erodes right to our core. So yeah, I totally relate. Even now, I struggle with feeling inadequate, and I can get compliments all day, and still hate my body, thick or thin. It comes down to one thing for me, my health. What I look like is transitory anyway, but I have to be healthy to enjoy life and those I love around me.

You are accepted here with full hugs and support. I'm glad you put yourself out there because like I said, it is a post that we all can relate to in some way, shape or form.

Welcome and I'm excited about your surgery coming up.

Banded June 2009- Allergan 10mL AP-S

Revised to Sleeve in September 2016

Arbiter_Perigee
on 1/21/17 8:00 pm
VSG on 01/25/17

Thank you for your reply. It helps to have people I can relate to. I was hesitant to join this site but I think it will be a great resource so I am really glad I am here.

Health is the reason I am doing it. In my youth I was a competitive barrel racer, and I loved it. After my horse died suddenly I kinda withdrew and then the weight gain exploded. I'm really looking forward to being able to get back on a horse. I am also really looking forward to being able to ski like I used to. Keeping my eyes on the goals is helping me quite a bit.

Sai F.
on 1/21/17 8:22 pm
VSG on 09/02/16

I've found this forum to give excellent advice from vets. I always look forward to seeing them respond and post. They give me inspiration. I'm a newbie when it comes to the sleeve, only 20 weeks out, and come here to read them.

Glad you joined. :)

Banded June 2009- Allergan 10mL AP-S

Revised to Sleeve in September 2016

82much
on 1/21/17 7:56 pm
VSG on 11/28/16

I could have written your post.  I am only seven weeks post, and sometimes, heck, a lot recently, I have the same thoughts.  I could have lost the same weight if I ate like I did with my pre op diet.  Deep down I realize that, like in the past, I wold do well for a while and then gain it and more back.  I am terrified I can fail again, even with the sleeve.  This place gives me a lot of hope and it provides sound advice.  

Arbiter_Perigee
on 1/21/17 8:03 pm
VSG on 01/25/17

Thanks. My friends can sympathize but not really empathize because they've never experienced obesity. It really helps to hear from people who have experienced the same struggles as me. I appreciate your reply.

(deactivated member)
on 1/22/17 5:20 am
VSG on 12/28/16

First, congrats on making a decision to prioritize your health. Nobody else can do that for you. Lots of us can relate to your feelings. But if you knew you could do this without the surgery, you probably would have done it. I personally have lost and regained the same 50 lbs multiple times but could never quite get to my goal weight. Your hormones are getting assaulted by your new diet so just roll with them and know it will get better. And listen to as many bariatric specialists as possible. You're not failing by doing this. You're winning a lifetime of better health. Good luck and keep us posted on your success.

 

Arbiter_Perigee
on 1/22/17 4:52 pm
VSG on 01/25/17

Thanks for your reply :)

catwoman7
on 1/22/17 7:25 am
RNY on 06/03/15

re: losing the weight on your own.  I couldn't.  I tried - again and again and again, for many, many years (I'm in my 50s).  On my more successful tries, I'd lose 30-50 lbs - but then I'd hit a brick wall and eventually, it'd all come back.  Trust me, if I could have done it on my own, I would have done so and not resorted to surgery.  But I couldn't do it.  Neither can 95% of other obese people who try (only about 5% of people are able to take off - and keep off - their excess weight).  I was one of the 95%.

most people have no - or only minor - complications.  This is one of the safest surgeries there is.  I wouldn't worry about that *at all*.  Chances are good you won't have any complications at all.  But even if you have something minor (I had two strictures - a complication of RNY), it's nothing compared to the health you'll gain by losing your excess weight.

I would do this again in a heartbeat.  In fact, I would go back and do it every year if I had to.  This is one of the best decisions I've ever made.

RNY 06/03/15 by Michael Garren (Madison, WI)

HW: 373 SW: 316 GW: 150 LW: 138 CW: 163

Arbiter_Perigee
on 1/22/17 4:54 pm
VSG on 01/25/17

Thank you for the reply. I know the surgery is fairly safe, I guess I'm just scared of how big a change it will be. Side note, the cat in your profile picture looks exactly like my cat :)

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