Stepping out in public
I am something of a public figure in a very narrow range of people. Mrs. LittleBill asserts that my fan club consists mainly of old, fat, bald, men. To a large extent she is right. Not all are that way, but enough that you get the idea. I have opportunity to make public presentations to this particular demographic from time to time. Last night was my first time out in front of a club that I call my home club since surgery. In fact, the last time I was in front of these guys was the month before I started in on the pre-op program. I am down 128 lbs now, so there was no way they weren't noticing. To add to it all, I have made my size part of my notoriety. It is something oft discussed, especially when others point out their own to me.
I had prepared myself mentally for all sorts of comments. I was not sure how this group would react. I have always been well received, even popular, but we all know that significant weight loss seems to act in strange ways upon people other than the loser himself. As I was setting up for my demonstration, getting tools together, and organizing my equipment, I had opportunity for a number of short individual conversations. The one that I feared most was a student who has turned into a friend, and who had RNY about 10 years ago. He came in with his friend (another student) and the two of them commenced to gush about how good I was looking. I was like, "SSSSHHHHH!!!! - Before everyone hears you!" They got the hint, and cooled down. Another student had guessed the truth of what I had done, but he is pretty good about maintaining his decorum in a group like that.
Enough people had something to say about it that I started my presentation with, "Yes, I have lost weight. No, I am not sick". That got me my first laugh of the night, and seemed to satisfy just about everyone. There was one other man there who pressed me just a little after the demo, again a student (over 20% of the group have been students in my shop over the years). He guessed my weight loss to within 3 pounds! I felt like asking him if he had worked for the carnival in the past. But again, he was discreet, and did not push for details like surgery. He contented himself with a few compliments.
The one compliment that gets kind of tiring, although I know people mean it in a good way is, "I'll bet you feel a whole lot better now, don't you!" I am tempted to respond, "Well I did, until just now." But I know they mean to be nice, at least the vast majority. And people always feel compelled to say something.
Overall it went very well, especially considering I was as sick as a dog from eating something that did not sit well for whatever reason. People were nice, focused on the presentation, and no one said anything stupid or insensitive. I have a pretty thick skin in a couple of ways, but I tend to get impatient with boors. I'm that way with bores, too. :P And in case anyone is wondering at this point what it is I do and teach, here is are a couple examples.
Men and women are very different, I find, on both sides of the conversation. Men are more apt to say they had surgery, and women are more apt to want to keep it secret.
Men will always remark on another man's massive weight loss, but it is usually something intended to be humorous, and then the subject doesn't come up again. Women are more apt to want to discuss it, ask questions, and pursue it a little more.
I never liked talking to relative strangers about personal stuff, but it is pretty much unavoidable. By the time you've lost another 100 pounds, the most clueless man in the world will realize what's going on.
99.9 percent of people really don't intend to be mean or cause discomfort with their remarks. They really are happy for you. Most can be really stupid about how they show it. I think your reaction and mine are very similar--take it as a compliment and try to change the subject and move on right away.
It must be nice to shop in the normal sized turner's smock section for a change, right?
6'3" tall, male.
Highest weight was 475. RNY on 08/21/12. Current weight: 198.
M1 -24; M2 -21; M3 -19; M4 -21; M5 -13; M6 -21; M7 -10; M8 -16; M9 -10; M10 -8; M11 -6; M12 -5.
I agree. Funny you should mention that smock. I finally trashed my old apron, which was looking like I stole it from a homeless person. I had a new one sitting in the drawer in a shop for a couple of years now, but I needed to get my wife to sew an extension onto it so it would fit. My first time back on the lathe after surgery was when I realized the old one was not going to fit anymore. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the new one did, without any modifications! It is still just a tad tight around my turning muscle, but the neck is actually a little loose, and that is with being brand new. So yeah, I am headed for normal - or as normal as I'll ever be.
Grim I think you hit the nail on the head with this!
"Men will always remark on another man's massive weight loss, but it is usually something intended to be humorous, and then the subject doesn't come up again. Women are more apt to want to discuss it, ask questions, and pursue it a little more."
This is why just saying a quick joke, or something else to redirect was not terribly effective for me. And in my case, everyone knew I was a cancer patient so it became even more muddled. One day some clever soul on here will figure out a way to respond to acknowledge the positive intent of these weight mentioners while effectively shutting down the conversation without being short, curt, or otherwise unsavory.
With some condescending souls or those incapable of respecting boundaries, I am fine with unsavory.
Surgeon: Chengelis Surgery on 12/19/2011 A little less carb eating compared to my weight loss phase loose sleever here!
1Mo: -21 2Mo: -16 3Mo: -12 4MO - 13 5MO: -11 6MO: -10 7MO: -10.3 8MO: -6 Goal in 8 months 4 days!! 6' 2'' EWL 103% Starting size 28 or 4x (tight) now size 12 or large, shoe size 12 w to 10.5 150+ pounds lost
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Grim I think you hit the nail on the head with this!
"Men will always remark on another man's massive weight loss, but it is usually something intended to be humorous, and then the subject doesn't come up again. Women are more apt to want to discuss it, ask questions, and pursue it a little more."
This is why just saying a quick joke, or something else to redirect was not terribly effective for me. And in my case, everyone knew I was a cancer patient so it became even more muddled. One day some clever soul on here will figure out a way to respond to acknowledge the positive intent of these weight mentioners while effectively shutting down the conversation without being short, curt, or otherwise unsavory.
With some condescending souls or those incapable of respecting boundaries, I am fine with unsavory.
Men are always - or mostly always - a little cir****pect. They might WANT to know, or discuss it some more, but that violates the Code of Man. I will work on a response for you. It may take a while, but one of the things I do is prepare ahead of time for various responses so I am not caught flatfooted.
