Starting my Journey

Apr 18, 2014

I first considered WLS about 5 years ago but stories of the risks put me off. Although I have always battled my weight, I was never really concerned about being the skinny girl. I was active in sports and happy to be able to lift weights and be the strong girl. Now, 5 year later, age is taking it's toll and my ability to be active without aches and pains due to the weight is becoming difficult. I'm only 44. I still have things I want to see and do that my body will no longer allow. Suddenly the risks of WLS are far fewer than the ones my body is presenting to me now. Pre-diabetic is only a ticking time bomb. Slipping hip is a nice way to say sooner or later you'll need a replacement. Getting a daily calcium fix from the TUMS is nice, but the need to battle the constant reflux or heartburn is getting annoying. I finally decided to go to a seminar 1 month ago and yesterday had my first appointment with a Bariatric Nurse. It went well and I thank Janet for making the experience pleasant. I now have appointments scheduled for a Dietitian, Psychologist, and a sleep study is in the works. As I mentioned, I'm only 44. But at 5'6, I weigh 262. I carry most of my weight in my lower body. I'm very thick legged. My BMI is 42.3...All paperwork is started and it looks like my insurance will cover most of the cost of the surgery. I'm looking at having the RNY. I left the clinic yesterday and went straight to my Dad's place to discuss the process and we went to Cosco to purchase the first of a lifetime supply of vitamins. I'm so very thankful I have support of my family and a few wonderful friends! I also realize that at this point, I don't have a full realization of just what all I will encounter on this journey. I'm only a little nervous and not so much excited as I am determined. The reasons that people choose Bariatric surgery are as varied as the people themselves. For me, it's not so much about a size or a weight. It's about a lifestyle. I want my strength back! I want to use my roller skates again. I want to do a mud run, I want to hike and climb trails without pain or shortness of breath. Looking good in a swimsuit is less important to me than being able to swim across the lake again. Is there some bit of vanity in my reasons? Of course there is! I miss seeing the curve of muscle that's now receded and otherwise lost under the thick layer of unhealthy fat. I hate that I cannot wear spandex to the gym not so much because of how it looks, but because the friction from the thigh rub wears it out too quickly to make it worth the purchase and is extremely uncomfortable and embarrassing when it's audible to the people around me. I also know I'll need to face some pretty big obstacles and fears. How will I cope when food can no longer be my source of comfort? How do I find the strength to give up nicotine and caffeine for the rest of my life? How do I come to terms with the fact that most of the things I've considered priorities in my life are also the things that will kill me? The simple answer is that I change my priorities, but that's really not so simple is it? If it were that easy I wouldn't be writing this right now. It's a journey, one step at a time to take me where I need to go. Getting help was the first step and I'm on my way.

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