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Woooo! I have the payment concern for the surgery taken care of as well as the support of my father and that of my mother. They both expressed their concern and wish that there was another wya not involving surgery, but they gave me their support. It feels so great. Especially my dad. God, I love that man. He is so amazing..haha I am such a doofus cause all he has to do is say something sweet or nice tome and I will be gushing and melting for days. I don't think fathers TRULY understand how much their words or encouragement, support, or pride mean to their daughters. I am sure it means a lot to their sons too though. I must remember all these feelings for when my children are all grown up. Today was a better day than yesterday emotionally. I was supposed to go get labwork done in the AM while fasting but I slept so horribly last night I just couldn't bear to go do it. Also, we decided to start weaning my son (yes, I still nurse and he is 1.5 years old, deal with it :P) in preparationf or the surgery-and it was a major catastrophe. Not only is he in a serious mommy-attachment phase but he also hates cow's milk (and loves my milk). I don't know what made me decide to start this today. The moment my husband entered the room my son starts bawling cause it wasn't me. lol. It makes me laugh a bit though. I know it is wrong that he has that much of an attachment to his "mami" right now, but I like it too I'll admitt. Hubby put him on the changing table and he just kept pointing at the door and calling out for me as he cried his eyes out. The day didn't get too much better cause he refused to nap all day and was a cranky MESS. He was still super sweet and huggy towards me. But not so much with my husband. Oh well. Even with the nonstop-crazy-baby-running-around day I had it was a nice day, thanks to my family. Gonna try to get the bloodwork done tomorrow and also taking the little man for his first haircut! Maybe.If he sleeps....

I haven't had VSG surgery yet and I am just feeling pretty "down" today. I went to my primary physician because I have a myriad of health concerns I have kind of neglected for about a year or two and since I am taking these massive steps towards a healthier me I figured I better get my butt in line. So I am just concerned. She ordered so much labwork and I have a thryoid ultrasound scheduled for next week, follow-up in two weeks bla bla bla. I am just getting so inpatient! I have to wait on any results to know if I have some new health problems, I have to wait to see the surgeon...and I don't have a surgery date yet!  I guess that's the main thing bothering me.If I at least had a date I could count down to it, but not having one and being such a worry-wart and anxious person I am like "oh no, there aren't gonna be any dates lefts this year! And I won't have time to get it done and heal for my bf's wedding!" and so on...I have read here several times already about how this is a marathon, not a race...and I know it is true..but I just want to have it over with so I can start. It is one thing being in the marathon and another one having your car break down while you are on your way there and sitting on the side of the road waiting on AAA haha.

I guess I just need someone to vent to and express my feelings at the moment. I don't have any friends who I can even talk to anything related to my weight, let alone the surgery. Too foreign for them. And also I guess the fact that my bf's wedding is early January and I have to shop for a dumb dress has me super bummed out. I am sick of the options we have as plus sized women. All the dresses are matronly and have no style at all. I will look like a fat old lady cause I honeslty can't even find anything nice in the color she has chosen. At least I have the ability to choose my own dress cause she is super chill and non-bridezilla at all, but I want to look nice. At least wear something that I feel is "me". I am not an old lady yet. Ugh...I just am hoping SO HARD that my Dr. can SOMEHOW operate on me ends of Nov. or early Dec. I won't even CARE about missing the massive XMAS dinner and all the heart and tummy-warming foods! When I get my body back and my health in check there will be years and years (knock on wood!!) for me to eat turkey and stuffing, pies and what have you. I am not mourning them. I am mourning the ugly dress I'll have to wear. HA :P Anyways, anyone wanna chat and either rant/complain with me or tell me nice and encouraging things: I am new here, I am all ears!