ElisabethC

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When it comes to relationships I have never found easy to meet anyone. When I had my surgery I was 22 and up to that point only had one boyfriend. I had in my mind that after surgery I would be a different person and that with my new appearance it would make it easier to feel comfortable, more confidence, more secure in myself and open myself up to the idea of dating and finding that special person.  That has not been the case.

It has been 13yrs since my surgery and I have had only one boyfriend and that was 2 years ago.  Don’t get me wrong, I have tried the online dating scene and after a few tries I give up. I have always been socially self conscious an introvert with extrovert tendencies. (LoL).  Dating is a scary thing, even for those who have not had WLS. We all have our hang up that make dating uneasy and mines has always been my issue with my excess skin. 

I have heard many tips on dating especially ones that relate specifically to those who have gone through WLS and the advice for me just isn’t enough. I often hear the question when do you tell the person you are dating that you have had surgery. Many will say when you are comfortable enough to share and is when. That you will know when the right time is, but what if that time never comes. What if you feel it’s never the right time. I have dealt with so much judgment prior to surgery and now I face another form of judgment. I will admit that 9 out of 10 times I tell no one that I have had WLS. In my mind I feel like that was a different me, one that I left in the past and one that I feel would cause people to look at me differently. I just want to be the present me and continue to grow in my journey.  But that comes to a crashing halt when I meet someone and fear the intimacy that soon may come. How do you prepare yourself?  How do you allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to expose yourself physically and emotionally?  I often hear that if you find the right person what you look like won’t matter, what your excess skin looks like won’t matter. But it’s still a reality and often times does matter.  It may manifest itself in various ways for people, but it’s still there. There is no way to overlook it and how do you prepare yourself for how that person will respond.  

I will admit there are many superficial people out there, and perfection is not realistic and they just don’t deserve the time of day. But when you meet someone, things are wonderful and then you reach that moment, and then nothing is the same after. How are we supposed to deal with that without thinking, no matter how much I lose I will still have that reminder that I was obese? I feel like it’s deceiving the person I meet when on the outside I appear one way and beneath my clothes is another version of me.  I don’t mean for this to come across as some superficial rant on how I put value only on my looks and not who I am as a person.  I know my worth and I now I am a great person who has allot to offer, but the anxiety of dating for fear of rejection has paralyzed my desire to date. 

Over the years I have thought why can’t we; the WLS community have a dating site where there are many who share similar stories, similar experiences and anxieties of entering the dating world. The thought of a site where we can meet to individuals that know what it’s like takes away the uneasiness that comes with meeting someone who doesn’t know what to expect.  It may be just me, and my struggle with dating could be just my hang ups, but it would be nice to have a space where I can connect with someone and remove the unnecessary anxiety and provide a space where we can focus more the person and less about what we look like.

If this site does not exist, we should create one!  

Live~Laugh~Love
Elisabeth