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For the past few weeks I was really looking forward to getting to the Pre-Op stage.  I kept thinking about how great it was going to eventually feel.  Turns out, you don't feel great as instantaneously as I thought.  Pysically, I'm tired and my muscles are sore and I don't know if it has to do with how I'm eating or with the really crappy sleep I had last night.

Emotionally, I'm ok, but I can tell I miss my comforts.  Yesterday I was out driving, constantly surrounded by fast food joints and all sorts of temptations and I was fine and I felt in control.  Today I was doing the exact same thing but had to often stop and remind myself that I couldn't just pull up at any drive thru.  The difference between the two days was one simple thing - choice.  Yesterday I had a choice, today I did not.  I've started denying myself.  The brain can be a strange thing.... always playing tricks, but I must beat it. 

The good thing about all this is I'm eating enough to not feel hungry so my desire for crap is coming solely from my mind and not my stomach. 

It's only one day but it's still one day and that's one day more than I had yesterday.  I will keep fighting!

It's been so long since my last update, but I have a feeling I'm going to be needing an outlet on more of a regular basis and this seems the safest place to do just that. 

So much has happened since March.  Obviously my date has been booked.  I'm scheduled for October 9th with A Lighter Me in Tijuana Mexico.  I'm a bit less than one month away and the tickets are booked and surgery is paid for.   The last 6 months or so have been busy.  There has been a lot of change in my life.  Some good, some not so good.  My relationship with food has definitely changed.  When I first made this decision I knew I had a lot of work to do to set myself up to be as successful as possible.  I immediately started seeing a counselor because as we all know, the biggest battle is in your head.  

Over the months I journalled about my food and the feelings I was going thru before, during and after eating.  The biggest lesson I learned doing this was about the difference between head hunger and real hunger.  Being able to identify between the two is critical.  Most days I can beat head hunger now. 

In addition to working with a counselor to figure out the stuff between my ears, I have also started seeing a dietician.  She's helping me to learn how to not deny myself anything but maintain healthy habits at the same time.  It's a tricky balance that I don't have right quite yet, but I'm determined to figure it out.  Lastly, I should begin working with the Weight Management Centre in my city.  I'm not too sure what to expect with this, but will write more when I know. 

Here's what I know I still need to work on:

1. SLOW DOWN!  Food is just so good and when I am genuinely hungry I can go so fast that my meal can be gone within minutes.  It may be ok for now, but once I have that sleeve these habits will be my worst enemy.
2. Wait 15 minutes to eat after drinking and half an hour after eating to drink.  If I had a dime for every time I drink while eating.... well, I'd probably be able to buy a lot more food!
3. Plan your week and always carry extra snacks just in case. Something unexpected seems to come up every single week and every time it does it always surprises me.  You'd think I would have laerned by now... sigh... but alas, the fast food battle continues. 

T-26 days and counting left! Eeeeeee!! Can't wait!