How do you handle the negativity?

Let me say just this

Down the road when this is all over and you are at goal and your joints don't hurt anymore your blood pressure is normal and your risk of heart disease is gone and you have more energy than you ever had and you have taken up activities you used to only watch and you have a renewed lease on life and are standing in front of the mirror admiring your reflection in your size 6 skinny jeans and that coloured top you are now wearing cause you only ever wore black ....no-ones opinion or support  is going to matter and you will know YOU got here and YOU did the work and YOU can thank yourself for where you are going to end up......The only opinion that really matters here is yours.....tell them all Be there or not this is how its going to be and you will be surprised at how fast they will come around....either way you are really on your own in this and hows it plays out is up to you so focus on yourself and everything else will follow.......

Best of luck

cathie

I Just sent you a private message.

Everything you said here is right. Everything. I think I needed to hear the YOU in huge letters.  I know this is right for me and i Know 20 years down the road i'm going to look back at all the negative people and tell them to eat their words then eat their hearts out :)

You're amazing.

Thanks so much :)

Search this forum for "easy way out" and you'll see plenty of posts and replies on how to handle these situations I promise.

Hi Kelly, I understand how you must be feeling, it is so hard when all the people you love are trying to suggest another way, or don't fully understand and support your decision.  It is your decision, when I told my son who is 21 he was saying mom, you can do it, just stop eating the junk food.  But it's more than that, it's the large portions and still being able to eat more.  I said to him I'm doing this for me, and you need to do some research on this subject now so you can understand that many people have this surgery and it is successful.  I know you are probably scared for me and I totally understand that, but it's a surgery that is now being done laproscopicaly and like anything we pray everything will be O.K.  After that, I believe he has done some research on this because he hasn't said anything else yet.  But, I'm ready, stay calm, explain you have researched this like crazy, like we all do.  You are going to be a much happier, healthier person when it is all done.  That's what we have to hang on to, and just the proof of everyone on this list who have done this before any of us, and look at the success.  So amazing, well I want that also.  I guess what I'm saying Kelly, you know what you want and if you just stay happy and let everyone know you are calm and happy with this decision, they will come around and seeing is believing.  They will be praising you and thinking to themselves, wow, maybe I was wrong and this was the right decision for her.  This group is here to help us all the way and afterwards.  Hang in their my friend. 

Cathy xo

I was lucky with my family, my sister had it 3 years before me, so my mom, dad and sisters were ok.

My husband and two sons were scared and didn't want me to have it,. worried that something bad would happen, wished I could do it "naturally".  Once I made it clear that I researched it and was going ahead, they got on board.  It took awhile, but by the time surgery was booked, they were fully supportive.  They are proud of me know.  I  agree, it is fear.  I'd worry too if my loved ones were going for surgery.  As well, I think many consider this elective surgery so they wish we didn't need to do it.  But for many of us, we do...

I know exactly how you feel.  No one except my doctors supported my decision to have a RNY.  Everyone else, including my parents and best friends were 'concerned' and 'worried', and thought that since I had been able to lose 25 lbs while I was waiting for surgery, I shouldn't have it because I didn't need it - I could do it on my own, and I wouldn't be able to handle the way your whole life changes, blah, blah, blah.

I explained to them that I already had severe sleep apnea and my knees and hips hurt when I walked or even swam sometimes.

I told them that I lived in fear of all the other diseases associated with obesity and especially diabetes.

I told them that 95% of dieters fail and most gain more weight back than they lost.  Thinner people don't usually know that statistic.

I explained to them that I had tried out many post-op recipes and would not feel deprived eating what I should be eating after surgery.  I told them that the fresh herbs and new ideas in the recipes were quite delicious and didn't seem like diet food.  That reassured them.

I asked them to imagine how they would manage just walking around and doing normal, everyday chores with a 120 lb bomb disposal suit on and a 40 lb backpack.  Then, I asked them to imagine mowing the lawn, and cleaning the house.  Then, I asked them to imagine exercising vigorously to lose weight.  That seemed to strike a nerve with them, although it didn't last for long.

Now that I have had my RNY (13 days ago), everyone is happy for me and my weight loss and swift, uneventful recovery and now they worry about tempting me by eating things in front of me (even though I tell them all the time that I feel no hunger and only have a brief craving for toast when someone uses the toaster).  Now, the tables are turned!  They are the ones worrying about eating in front of me. 

You may just have to resign yourself to endure their uninvited comments until you have the surgery.  Then, their attitudes should change, or their resistance should diminish.  I know it might be months until then, but stay strong.  Keep telling them that you want to live life for life, not to have your life revolve around food and the futile struggles of dieting.

Jenn.  :)

Sometimes people around us are negative as they are scarred for us as they here so many horror stories. This is not always the case sometimes they are just mean. I would take one or two that are the least negative and bring them to a WLS support group. This way they can meet others who have gone through it and here their stories. It is hard when they are family. I am sorry you are going through this. I found my support group a great help. My hubby comes most of the time and we now have a whole new  social group. It helps that we can all talk about our issues and laugh at our skin etc.. and enjoy shopping together.