Support??? Really??

Ladytazz
on 8/1/15 7:55 pm

She reminds me of my own mother. I always felt fat and ugly and she never hesitated to remind me I was fat. I felt that if only I was thin she would finally approve of me.

When I was about 20 I finally lost a lot of weight and I got a lot of attention from her, for a while. And then it was "Now that you are thin you should drive a better car." or "You really should get a better job." or any other criticism she could think of.

I finally accepted that nothing I did would ever be good enough for her and it was time to stop trying to get her approval.

I don't know how old you are but I think when my mother was growing up it was considered bad to praise children, they would get a big head. You were supposed to criticize them so they would try to be better.

Of course I tried to do the opposite with my own kids but I am sure they are sitting around in some support forum talking about the things I did to mess them up. Of course I never did anything intentionally but who knows how my well meaning words may have been taken by sensitive children.

Just let it go and enjoy your you size. The only person you need to be good enough for is yourself.

WLS 10/28/2002 Revision 7/23/2010

High Weight (2002) 240 Revision Weight (2010) 220 Current Weight 115.

cspotrun
on 8/1/15 8:52 pm

RNY on 07/01/14

I for one am impressed and proud of you. You enjoy those jeans and feel good all day long in them. I'm sorry she disappointed you.

Karen

tatirod
on 8/3/15 4:26 am - Toronto, Canada

Clearly she feels threatened by your ability to take control of your life, your new size, or the fact that you can afford to shop with "the rich people".

We all deal differently with toxicity. The important thing is that you recognized it.

sorry your mum isn't supportive

Referral: February 2015; TWH Orientation: April 2015; Social Worker: June 10, 2015: Nurse Practitioner: June 11, 2015; Nutrition Class: June 15, 2015; Psychometry Assessment: June 16, 2015; Nutrition Assessment: July 22, 2015; NP follow-up: July 28, 2015; Surgeon Consult: August 28, 2015; Surgery: November 6, 2015; Operation: VSG

Poodlemac
on 8/3/15 5:33 am

RNY on 09/26/14

Thank you. I should have stated I am definitely NOT one of the rich people, I work at the store and got the jeans for $29! Woohoo.

gram247
on 8/4/15 7:17 am

VSG on 10/04/11

NO YOU ARE NOT AN UGLY FAT GIRL,

you are a beautiful determined young lady with a very toxic mother.

you do not need that negativity in your life.

you may need a little help to see yourself as you really are - a slim, size 8 person, who worked very hard to get where they are!

Good Luck.

i've been there & done that, too. Formerly a size 32-34 now a size 10.

Kathy S.
on 8/4/15 11:08 am - InTheBurbs, XX

RNY on 08/29/04 with

You have gotten great responses here She is so use to you being a certain size and now that you are changing she may be scared she will lose the "daughter" so knows and loves. Change is scary for some and they don't handle it ver well.

I hope you two work it out. Maybe try taking her to a couple of your support groups if she will go.

Good Luck

HW:330 - GW:150 - MW:118-125

RW:190 - CW:130

Poodlemac
on 8/4/15 1:17 pm

RNY on 09/26/14

That's what's so weird. She went to my pre-op seminar and has been pretty supportive until now. She always says to her friends "look how good she looks" and seems very proud of me. But then she will also serve some huge helping of food and when I tell her that's too much for me, she'll say "UH, WHY?" as though sh has no idea. Very strange time in an already not so hot mother/daughter relationship. I at one time thought this might bring us together. Sad. Oh well, que sera!