skinny,

Thank you so much! I did not know that I was now average. Bless you for the information. I have a lot of respect for you.

Robin

Are you depressed, Bette?  I find that when I am, those sorts of behaviors spike.  Would therapy and/or medication help?

Lets focus on what you CAN do:

A) you CAN do ab/core work, and use free weights/cable machines to work your arms, chest and back. YOu can lay on the floor and do leg lifts

B) You can get your cardio in with a HAND TRIKE (see if your gym has one..my PTs office did).

C) You can make/pick healthy low calorie meals that will nourish you. Food that tastes good and is actually good for you. 

D) YOu can "pick you."  You have many good attributes and that is why you have lots of friends and are well liked on this board.  Pick on and meditate on it each day several times a day.  I will start: I like your intelligent humor. When I read soem of your posts, they come out like something TIna FEy would say. You also have this awesome ability to fix/know what is wrong with cars.  I am useless after checking the carborator (moot point on my prius), air in the tires, and oil changes (all of the above also moot due to my prius which has all these computer sensor thingies).

E) For the reasons why you should like the physical you and pick it- do the same as above.  I will start. I really like your hair. It reminds me of Annie Lenox.

F) Stop the negative self talk (yes that little voice is HARD to silence). 

G) Get enough sleep (my attitude goes deeper into the toilet the more tired I am).

H) Remember all the good things you have gained with you weight loss and hold them dear.

In short, PICK YOU!  Be your best friend.

It is a viscous cycle.  The more we eat the more we hate ourselves and the more we hate ourselves the more we eat.

Let me ask you something.  I Know we aren't great friends but I have always liked you and looked up to you.  If someone was going around calling me names and telling me how fat and worthless I am, would you defend me?  Would you speak up to them and tell them that they aren't allowed to talk to your friend that way?

Why can't you do that for yourself.  Here, I will do it for you. You are not allowed to talk about my friend that way or I will hop on a plane and hunt your ass down and kick it.

I always hear people talking about not having self esteem because they are fat or not attractive or whatever and what I always say is if you want to have self esteem then do esteem able things (no that is not original, I heard it somewhere).

Get your worth by what you do, not what you look like.  Like you.  I know what you do to help people you don't know. I know how you put your money where your mouth is and not just talk about helping but you actually do it.  I have seen you reach out to others to help them.  Now it's time to do it for yourself.  Treat yourself the way you would treat your friends, or even a person you just meet who needs support. You are as worthy as anyone for that love and support that you give so freely.

Now do it before I have to give you an ass kicking.

Hi Bette,

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time lately. I don't have all the answers but can empathize with the feelings. I haven't had the hate speech in my head, but I do sometimes catch myself likening any weight fluctuation above my comfort zone to my start weight which is ridiculous.

Anyway, there are some interesting (to me, at least) theories out there about thoughts and where they come from. Do you ever listen to podcasts? Invisibilia - The Secret History of Thoughts may be worth checking out. I'll go ahead and warn you that the first part is pretty odd, but is an interesting narrative related to the disconnect that can exist between self and thoughts. The second half is a beautiful story, so it may be worth checking out!

Take Care,

Lindsey

I learned in meditation that if a thought of any kind drifted across my mind while I was supposed to be focusing on "nothing", just to mentally wave it away;  "I'm not going to think that right now".  

Try doing that with your negative thoughts.  Substitute those negative thoughts with positive ones:  "I have pretty eyes";  "I like myself";  "I am a good person".  Whatever it takes to replace the hatefulness towards yourself.

Be kind to you.

When I was in constant pain from my knees it was hard to be kind to myself. I was also my own worse enemy . I hurt ! Pretty clothes , pedi , manni , forget it. But I did sonething , I got my knees replaced. OMG life is soooo much better. Life looks much brighter without pain . Hugs friend