met three local WLS ladies but two eat crap and none exercise at all-seriously

My best friend had RNY about 9 years ago.  She never quite got to goal (about 20 pounds heavier).  At about 2 years out, she started drinking soda, drinking with meals, and grazing on crap all day long.  She still only eats kid sized portions at meals.  She doesn't take any supplements at all.  She's actually pretty healthy, but she's gained back about 70% of her weight.  She really doesn't seem to care, but it is a good reminder to me that this is work and it's not magic.

Well, you don't have to exercise.  You just won't be as healthy and you won't be able to eat as many calories if you want to maintain your weight.

And you don't have to eliminate any foods.  I eat almost all foods I ate pre op, just much less often and in much smaller quantities.  For instance, i can't remember the last time I had a french fry, it was probably close to a year ago, but I do eat them once in a while.  But instead of eating a large order, I eat four or five off a friend's plate.  And a few days ago, I ate a small vanilla frosty from Wendy's.  That was the first time I'd had ice cream in, gosh, maybe six months.  But I eat it.

What do I do to stay true to my plan?  Well, my plan doesn't require me to eliminate any foods, so I am staying true to my plan by eating four or five french fries once a year and a small serving of ice cream a couple times a year.  I stay true to my plan by eating mostly healthy foods, allowing treats like ice cream and french fries in moderation only, by participating in a weekly WLS support group, by visiting OH nearly every day, by stocking my  kitchen with healthy foods and keeping junk food out of the house.

To answer someone's question, the woman who lost all her weight looks totally flabby but I assumed that was skin. She showed me her arms and they look really puffy to me but I didn't want to make her feel bad and ask about them. 

I want to find people who are making the lifestyle changes but if I put an ad on craigslist, anybody could show up.  I am trying to think of a way to do it and find out who is serious.  I had HORRIBLE health and NEED this to stay healthy. I don't ever want to be that sick and miserable again. 

I followed the plan religiously for the better part of 2 years. Now I almost do atkins, no sugar and high protein. Works for me. I do excersize a lot less now due to a change in job. It isn't about calories, portions or exersize for me. It is really about carb vs protein

"Maintaining" weight loss two years after RNY doesn't mean squat.  Many people don't stop losing until 18 months out. Trust me, if they are eating crap and not exercising, that is a "deadly" combination and it WILL catch up to them (and it will catch up sooner rather than later).  

How many posts have you seen here from people who are three or fours years out and regaining weight (even if they are just eating too many crabs and not eating "crap")?!?

I don't exercise much, and I don't have any forbidden foods, but I am coming up on 7 years out and I do still focus on protein, eat most of my protein first at every meal before I eat any "sides", and limit the "white" carbs.  I have made certain adjustments in order to be able to eat certain "treats".  If I really have a craving for pizza, for example, I have pizza.  I avoid the fatty meats except pepperoni, I blot the pizza when possible, and I eat only one or two bites of it with the crust and then eat just the toppings with a fork. (I almost never eat pizza except at home or at a family member's house!)

What motivates people and helps keep them on track is very personal, but for me much of it is tied to how much better I feel than when I was SMO and staying mindful of how difficult even simple daily tasks were when I was over 300 pounds.

i also have a 5-pound weight creep limit.  If I hit that 5 pound mark on 2 consecutive weigh-ins (to make sure it isn't jus****er weight), I drop all non-protein carbs and try to increase my water until those 4 or 5 pounds come off.

Good for you for wanting to surround yourself with people who make better choices for themselves.  When you are a bit further out and your new eating habits are more firmly ingrained, you might want to consider that you might be able to be a good influence on them and help motivate THEM to make better choices (especially if their weight has started to creep up by then!)

Lora