BossyB
Food Addiction
Feb 05, 2013
I have the first step to having weight loss surgery coming up (the seminar with my surgeon/the practice that he works in) and during this time I've been working on "getting my mind right". I know that the cause of me getting to the point of morbid obesity started with what goes on in my head and me getting to my goal weight and staying there will be because of what goes on in my head also so I figured now is an excellent time to get started. Wise man Dr.Phil always says "You can't change what you don't acknowledge." So here goes.
My name is Brittney and I'm a food addict.
According to handy dandy Wikipedia, "Addiction is the continued use of a mood altering substance or behavior despite adverse dependency consequences, or a neurological impairment leading to such behaviors." That is definitely what's been going on here. I'm a nurse as well as an avid reader and huge fan of constantly expanding your mind and conducting your own research so I'm fully aware of the health implications of being overweight and not taking part in regular physical activity....but I continue to eat. I consider myself an intelligent individual and I also know that there isn't a food on the planet that's worth dying for...but I continue to eat. Every single day I experience the physical implications of my over consumption of food...but I continue to eat. Why? I would start to say that I eat for a multitude of reasons but when I really contemplate the list I realize it all boils down to two things: not wanting to deal with my thoughts and feelings and not feeling like I'm worth the time, effort, and energy to take better care of myself. I've been using food to cope...to hide...
This sad road of blatant disregard for the protection and maintenance of my temple ends now...and I recognize that I need help. This is why I've chosen a surgical group that also has an on staff counselor, dietitian, personal trainer, and monthly support groups. I'm also glad to have websites like Obesity Help where I can go to put my thoughts and feelings down and also read the stories of countless others who are walking this road with me and see that I'm not alone on this journey. I understand that WLS is not going to make the problem go away but what I'm shooting for is help. If this sounds desperate...it is. I've been willing to do and try everything to get this weight off (mentally and physically) and I'm ready to take the next step. Now I'm going to have all engines firing at once, dealing with the emotional/psychological aspect of things while also doing what's physically necessary to get my body back to healthy.
I've frequently felt afraid of the feelings that I know are going to come up when I stop using food as my emotional crutch but right now all I feel is excitement about the possibilities of the future when I stop holding myself back. I'm excited to peel back the layers. I'm excited to go where I've never been before. I'm excited to get to know me.
