brownblonde
Week 4 Post op
Jun 26, 2010
It seems like a millennium since I had surgery. I cannot believe all that has happened.I must say, I still have my doubts. I wish I were one of those people who immediately feel better after surgery. Not only do I not feel better, I feel markedly worse.
I awaken feeling very hungry, something I used to never experience. This is not head hunger, it is a very strong physical hunger. I try to figure out what my best options would be for breakfast. I then eat, or at least sort of. Foods seem to bother me more in the morning, making me more likely to be nauseous, and they feel like they get stuck more readily. After a couple bites I am full. My general feeling of discomfort continues, but in a different fashion--now, instead of being painfully hungry, I feel nauseous, and as though food is nearly stuck in my windpipe. This happens even if the food was a protein shake.
After a period of about 3 hours, hunger returns. Again, this is real hunger. I take an extra acid-reducer like tums and it may slightly subside for an hour or so. By 4 hours after eating breakfast, I am ravenous yet again. I'm not talking mild interest in food. I am painfully hungry again. This kind of hunger makes my mind race about what I could possibly eat. These pre-meal hunger strikes are actually worse than anything I experienced during surgery. It's like the "old days" when I would go on such a silly diet and would get so hungry that my resistance was about to wear down. My resistance has worn down, and if not for the physical restriction, this hunger would cause me to go overboard. More overboard than I ever did before surgery. That is how bad the hunger is that I now know. So I eat. I may have an easier time at lunch, or I may not. Sometimes I do not even want to eat as I will be replacing one physical discomfort with another variety.
Again, after a couple hours, hunger strikes yet again, but with as much force as it always does. I eat, uncomfortably. There is little enjoyment left in this task. Yet I must do it. The food again feels as though it's stuck in my throat.
Another aspect of this surgery has been my constant state of dehydration. I cannot drink very much water at a time without a "sloshy" sensation in my stomach. Again, I cannot drink with a meal without feeling sloshy and nauseous. In the period that I can drink, I am trying to get in all my water but failing miserably. Also, cold water appeals to me far more than anything else. Despite my best efforts, I have been very dehydrated. This very much interferes with my day-to-day activities. I was on campus this week in the 100-degree heat. As a pre-surgery person, I would have found this heat oppressive and very difficult. As a post-op, I felt as though I would collapse. And it's not just in the heat that I feel this way. If I am up and moving around for a longer period of time (which would be 1+ hours in this scenario), I feel drained of all energy. I would characterize my physical feelings as lethargy--although this is not of my own accord. I have been trying to do more recently, and I will admit that the more I do, the more I feel capable of doing.
This is not what I expected out of surgery at all. I expected to never have hunger, to almost have to remind myself to eat. That was part of the bargain. That is why I expected this to be successful. I knew that with hunger, I would have virtually no chance of success--which is why I realized that traditional dieting would not work. To have hunger now that is so bad, in fact worse than presurgery almost makes me want to cry. I feel like I've contracted this horrible illness that I signed myself up for! I cannot believe I paid for this! Most days I just wonder how long it will take until my stomach stretches back out--that's how bad this all is. I feel like I'm living my diet now (which was something I was trying to get away from pre-surgery). All I can think of revolves around this, with my nausea or hunger being constant reminders. I am in a constant state of discomfort. Sure I have lost weight, but it is not healthy living like this! I have lost 25lbs. before just as quickly, on much better diets. That cost much less, by the way. I think if only I had the hcg injections. I could have had about 14 rounds of those for the price of the surgery! I lost just as well, I felt great, and food went down easily.
I'm sorry to be a negative Nancy, but I think people need to know the real story on Obesity Help. As a pre-op I probably wouldn't have paid attention to it, but I do not think many "regrets" post on here. This site is called Obesity Help, not weightloss-surgery-propaganda. I understand that a lot of people come on here for inspiration and I'm sorry if I'm dashing your hopes. I would personally feel responsible if I did not post my honest opinions on here. At least then you've made an educated decision. That being said, I hope against hope that I'm the person on here in a couple months singing the praises of weightloss surgery.
