brownblonde
WLS for appearance
Feb 21, 2014
This was our discussion last night at support group and this has been on my mind a lot recently.
Let me be perfectly candid: I had WLS to look better. Period. I was young and in relatively good health. My blood pressure was ideal, my cholesterol was on the high side of normal, but still okay, I had no inkling of diabetes, I had no trouble sleeping. I had breathing problems, but that is mostly due to asthma.
I had WLS because, let's face it, in this world looks matter. I wasn't even particularly dissatisfied with what I saw in the mirror. But I was dissatisfied that no store carried my clothing size, I couldn't share the shopping experience with friends. "Fat" was my description. I didn't want it to be that way. Women didn't befriend me as often because it was harder for me to be a "girlfriend" of theirs--we couldn't trade clothes or talk about the non-existent boys who had asked me out. And with men, best case scenario I was a friend or merely someone to talk to to find out about my friend. People awkwardly kept their eyes off anything but my face and avoided anything in conversation that might deal with weight/size/food. I was treated differently.
It's not that when people ask someone about me I want the description to be wholly physical-characteristic based, or that I want to replace "fat" with "skinny" or "pretty". In my perfect, enlightened world, what's on the inside really would be what counts--as cliche and naive as that sounds. But, let's get real. This is the world we live in. I didn't create it. And I cannot change it. And I can only change myself. "Fat" would stop someone in their tracks--at lease with "skinny" or "pretty" I get a foot in the door. As my mom so lovingly put it "I'm just so glad that now everybody will have a chance to see you as I always have."
But, is wanting to look good for looking good's sake all that taboo? We certainly treat it that way in the WLS world. I think most of this stems from the fact of criticism in general over the decisions to have WLS. It's still viewed as "the easy way out" by a very ignorant public that believes that dieting is nothing more than a matter of willpower. Willpower that us fat people are clearly lacking. I have so many thoughts I don't even know where to begin, so try and stay with me. First, for argument's sake, what if I didn't have willpower? What if it just so happens that food is my weakness and obesity my cross to bear. I can distinguish this from other addictions/afflictions in some important ways: I have to wear my weakness for all the world to see, and food is required to sustain life--there's no cold turkey here. Also, how often do you hear a recovering smoker, let's say, talked out of a nicotine patch? I, personally never have because it's for health, right? But there we go again--"for health"--that "valid" reason. You might be able to get naysayers on board when you offer them a "valid" reason for the surgery--take your pick of comorbidities--but forgetaboutit when you tell them it's to "look good."
My older sister is naturally skinny. Like she can eat pretty much anything she wants and is still a size 2 soaking wet. And, miraculously, she has never had to explain to anyone why she "deserves" to look skinny and pretty. I guess the presumption is that her reward for "eating right" is her appearance. But what about when she goes to get her nails done or spends time on herself at the gym or hair salon--why does she deserve to spend money on her good looks?
I deserve to look good because I don't deserve to look bad. And didn't deserve to be prejudged by EVERYONE I ever met based on the number on the scale. I'm not a bad person. I don't have any less willpower than anyone else. It sucked being fat and the whole world knowing it and judging me for it. I missed out on so much on the stupidest and least important quality--my appearance. The point was made at group that some of this negativity towards self-improvement is generational, and I'd agree with that. We have been told to care after others and not ourselves. But sometimes you need to take care of #1, both physically and emotionally, in order to be any use to your loved ones. I was blessed to have the opportunity to fix my weight. What's so bad about that? In fact, I think that's admirable. If you can change something about yourself that you're dissatisfied with I think you should be applauded when you do it.
I stated earlier that I still don't really buy into the appearance-driven society. Recently someone confronted me about this, asking why I didn't think I deserved to look good. Obviously I do care about appearances, see above. However, I have always felt that was the least important or desirable character trait I possessed. If I thought otherwise, growing up fat and in this world would have been extremely difficult. I do like looking pretty. I do like receiving compliments, as difficult as they may be to accept. And I especially love shopping now. Those are all fun distractions, the cherry on top. I never let my weight define me. Not before, not now. I like the number on the scale. I like that it enables more people to get to know the real me. It's not that I think I deserve to look like a Victoria Secret model or that I don't. It's that that was never the goal. I'm learning to love my body. But I have always loved myself.
So that was all over the board, but there you go, hope it helps you think through some of your own considerations. I will tell you that whatever your reason for choosing WLS, and whatever the critics may say, all that fades shortly after surgery. The proof is in the pudding. When you lose weight and feel great, you will either a) find there are no more critics around (in fact, they may be cheering you on), or b) you will feel so much more confident that you won't care what the critics say.
