how to start over...

Apr 06, 2011

So here I am-- 9 years later and have gained most of my weight back-- I can see many errors that I made-- one, that I let my husband make me feel badly-- I didn't get the extra attention I so badly craved from him-- he didn't see the importance of it--I wanted so much to be his "eye candy" somebody he could be proud of to walk down the street with-- but he made no sounds, never told me i looked great and I wanted so much to hear it. So I got confused, then I started seeking it out from whomever could give me that attention and then I realized, it was the same behavior I had before I was married and heavy-- that I used sex and sexual attraction as a gauge of love-- and that my sickness did come from my head.  Another error I made was being overly concerned about the value of food, I became scared of not having good nutrition-- I was worried that I was becoming unhealthier by the day and that I had to eat constantly to keep my energy levels up- to feel good-- again this is addictive behavior, looking to get that feel good feeling.going.  Then I went through the surgical removal of my thyroid and I still stuggle every day to keep my levels right, then I got fibromyalgia- chronic pain all through my body that never goes away and then I got neuropathy in my feet, so walking has become a chore, as well as wearing shoes and socks of any kind.  I now live my life according to my vicodin, it goes with me whereever i go, as I never seem to know when i will get unrelenting pain.  My doctor wants me to start water aerobics, but I can't really afford it.  I wonder if I can safely go back to just shakes and water until I start to lose weight? Does anyone know? I also errored when I failed to grasp the importance of exercise, although I did it in the beginning, now that my feet are crippling on me, it is not so easy to even walk across the room-- There is no cure for my feet problems, they will get worse over time and have been proving that to me daily. I hope I get a little light bulb over my head that sends me the message that I need-- one that puts me on a believing path-- one that teached me how to get back on track.  Any suggestions would be greatly approeciated.

0 Comments