One More Week...

Dec 02, 2010

I will be having surgery one week from today.  I think the excitement has gone and the nerves are setting in...  I have a million things running through my mind right now and I can't focus.  I know I want this and I know the risks that are involved. 

My kiddos know mommy is having surgery and they aren't too thrilled.  It's really bothering my daughter...she knows why mommy is doing this...to be healthier for myself and definitely for them...but she is scared.  She is my little mini-me. 

I am battling with my emotions over the "what if's".  I think what is freaking me out right now is that I am getting ready to put my life into someone else's hands and that's a scary thing.  I need this surgery, but I am also afraid that my kiddos will end up without a mommy.  On the other hand, if I don't get this surgery, how long will it be until my kiddos end up like I did...losing a parent at a young age?  My dad died when he was 30.  I'm 31...  I feel like I'm a ticking time bomb. 

I need to stop batting with myself over this.  I need to remember why I'm doing this and stop letting myself cling to the "what if's."  I have an amazing husband who loves me no matter what.  I have two beautiful kiddos that love mommy to pieces.  So, I think I really need to adopt these lyrics as my mantra, to get me through this:

"You've got to accentuate the positive,
 Eliminate the negative,
 And latch on to the affirmative,
 Don't mess with Mister In-Between."

Ok, that's my rant for now :). 

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