hope4change2012
"I bet you're excited!" Um. No.
Nov 09, 2012
I leave for Monterrey and my Body by Sauceda (and God) in 11 days. It's 5 am. I'm up. My new normal. I'm getting enough rest, I'm just experiencing a bit of a busy mind and am ready to rock and roll bright and early.
Not a lot of people know about my surgery. Hopefully the gossip mill at work won't fire up in my absence, but that aside, right now any way, not many people know about my surgery. Most who do know my lifelong struggle with weight and are either happy for me, scared for me or seem to think it's like: boom ...you're Barbie. Surgery and you're ready to go, a little nip tuck and ta da! My fellow "plastics" friends (love that word plastics for some reason, even though this is the farthest thing from plastic) understand the process. And...a process it will be.
Well meaning friends say: I bet you're excited. Excited? Excited for 2 surgeries that carry a risk, a real risk, of infection, seroma, hematoma, poor results that require an additional corrective surgery, as well as exhaustion, swelling, wound healing issues, scar dishonence, post op depression, and if you're lucky and all goes well, no real problems, just a year of healing? Oh, and the, albeit slight, but real chance of financial devastation if something does go wrong. Um. No. Not excited.
I'm grateful for the opportunity for change. I'm actually kind of proud of myself for being so brave. I'm not just having plastic surgery, I'm going out of the country for plastic surgery. I didn't just lose the weight, I lost the weight (most of it) and am going for a nip tuck. I'm not just having a little work done, I'm having a lot of work done.
The internet and google is a funny thing...hell, life is like this too: you find what you look for. I've spent time on what can go wrong with eye lid surgery (blepahorplasty), neck lift/face lift (rhytidectomy), lower body lift, breast lift, breast augmentation, thigh lift, arms (I got bored looking up medical names). Doing that was enough to shake me up to the core. The problems are endless: dry eyes, eye lids don't close right, neck too loose and no improvement after all that money and time, neck too tight and feels like you're wearing a bonnet, body lift that doesn't help much for the thighs (or much worse like the complications I already listed), thigh lift with a scar that won't heal or drops and shows. And on. And on. I subjected myself to that because I wanted to be informed.
At a certain point you just say: stop the madness. Decide. Take a step and go. That's what I did. I did decide. I have made the steps, many in fact. I think it's important to be informed. There is something inherent in all of us of I think: it won't happen to me. I tried to walk into this knowing that yes, it could happen to me. I hope like hell it doesn't, but I'll do my best to avoid problems, but even with the best effort, things happen. Things happen in the states with the best surgeon with the best candidates for surgery. So, that being said, I am still taking the risk. I've always been a risk-taker. It's how I roll. I've made an educated decision.
I also searched things that made me excited for what I'm doing. My favorite things to stumble upon on the ol' www is "I'd do it again in a heartbeat." "It's the best thing I've ever done for myself." "The results are dramatic and life-changing."
That's why I'm doing this. I don't want to go quietly into the sunset of life carrying with me the wreckage of my past (in more ways than one.) I'm ready to step out in a new way, a new vision of myself. I call it Lisa 5.2 ...my new version, like an update on a software program. I'm clear and realistic on my goals: improvement, not perfection. I've accepted that I'm going to give myself a year to heal, not 3 months, not 6 months, a year before I make any judgment calls. That's a long time, but I think that's realistic. I'm hoping to be rocking a bikini for the first time, EVER, this summer though and that will be 6 months out if I strut my stuff in June. Rocking a bikini but quite possibly still dealing with healing issues. I've accepted that.
Excited for the possibility of a flat tummy, perky boobs, lifted bum, face w/o a double chin and less jowls and most importantly, thighs without the grapefruits bulging from my sides? Hell yes. So excited, so hopeful, so grateful...but right now, so realistic. My marathon starts soon. As I've read, you only get one chance to heal. I will honor that above all else.
Rest, rest, rest, prayer, prayer, prayer...gratitude... all the ingredients for a realistic recovery. A realistic recovery, not an issue free one. I've seen some people who seem like they feel guilty about their recovery if something goes wrong. I don't know for sure, but I'm willing to wager many did all the right things, it just happens, shit just happens. So if my blog down the road is full of recovery problems, I hope I remember that am kind to myself about it.
In the meantime, 11 days til' I meet Dr. S and embark on my journey, I continue to exercise, eat well, do the pre-op vitamin and protein routine and visualize great results. I've been listening to the a surgery meditation that I got from soundstrue dot com. It's from an MD. There are 3 types: pre op, day of, and healing. I've been listening daily for quite awhile. Just recently I had a great visualization arise: I see myself on the operating table with an energy-being inside of me, bright white light...the essence of me, healing and regenerating and as I lay there with my body being worked on. As I wake up from surgery, this bright "being" wakes up free from the extra fat/skin folds and steps out of my body like stepping out of a suit that doesn't fit any more.
That's what I see for myself. To quote The Doors: Break on through to the other side.
