This got long

Jul 15, 2013

Enjoyed my follow-up appointment at the Center For Weight Loss Surgery this morning. I really like my ARNP; everyone there is pretty charming, actually. And I’ve never, ever felt scolded or condescended to. I hate to use the word “empowering” because it’s kind of become a joke-word, but the attitude of the staff at the C4WLS is one reason I feel like a partner in my own care, rather than a sad, passive little science experiment or something. Anyway.

Good news: the mysterious liver lesion? Not even a thing. It’s gone. The ARNP explained that many obese patients have fatty livers; I had a fatty liver, but now I don’t. The Mystery Thing was probably just a spot that showed up on the ultrasound because it wasn’t fatty. So that’s a relief. I wasn’t seriously worried about it even when they thought the Mystery Thing was just a hemangioma; still, it’s nice to know what’s up. (As an aside, one of my favorite things about being a bariatric patient is getting my crazy hypochondria pandered to with lots of lab work and ultrasounds and that sort of thing. It’s weirdly reassuring.) (…I’ll find it reassuring right up to the point that they actually find something.)

I also got a nifty handout on poop. (“Process of Elimination: 10 Tips for Regularity.” Ha, pooping!) Because, confession time, I am all sorts of constipated. Like, I’m-going-to-slam-a-bottle-of-magnesium-citrate-tonight constipated. I guess it’s a thing? Or at least the C4WLS is hearing from enough constipated patients that they made a handout.  Things I should be doing, for sure:

• Drinking more water
• Exercising more (this is eternal)
• Eating more vegetables, probably

Maybe eventually I’ll look at incorporating Metamucil or Benefiber into my routine, but I suspect if I commit to the three points above I might return to my regularly scheduled programing, if you know what I mean. (Pooping.) I was doing pretty well there for a while but now it’s, well, it’s time. Past time. Past time for pooping.

But enough about poop.

Got weighed, of course, and I believe that for probably the first time in my adult life my BMI puts me in the “normal” category. I’ve always been at least “overweight.” Now, I have a LOT of strong feelings about using body mass index as a standard for individuals. Better writers than I (better writers than me?) have written extensively about the use and abuse of the BMI—and for the record, the health care providers I’ve encountered at the C4WLS do not cleave to a patient’s body mass index as the be-all and end-all of that person’s health, or “success” as a patient. They’ve never even given me a goal weight, though the ARNP mentioned she likes to see people get below a BMI of 30, but yeah. C4WLS prioritizes health over meeting a specific number on a chart.

What I’m saying is it’s hell of weird to suddenly find myself in the “normal” category. Especially since (A) I’ve felt well and looked pretty good for a while now, even though I’ve been in the “overweight” category for several months, so waking up one day to learn that I’m FINALLY NOOORMAAAL really drives home how arbitrary these height/weight standards can feel, and (B) I know pleeenty of women who would wilt with grief to find themselves 5’7” and 156 pounds. Plenty of women dread being in the 150s; to them, I’m still “fat.” I don’t really have a point beyond: the patriarchy/weight cycling industry/everyone has really succeeded in screwing with all our heads, and in many interesting/depressing ways. Obviously this isn’t news, but today’s “I’m FINALLY NOOORMAAAL” weirdfeels are driving it home for me.

In other, tastier news: I’ve been adding a tablespoon of unsweetened Hershey’s Special Dark baking cocoa to my Jay Robb chocolate whey protein for my daily shakes and whoa my god it’s a whole new world. The unsweetened cocoa powder cuts down on the sweety-sweet-sweetness of the Jay Robb, which is sweetened with stevia and therefore ALWAYS VERY SWEET. With the Special Dark I find myself looking forward to my two daily Jay Robb shakes. I’ve always LIKED Jay Robb whey protein, but now that I have a yummy choco-tastic way to mitigate the OMG!SWEET, well, life is better.

Speaking of consumables, I have to admit I’ve developed a bit of a weakness for the all-natural line of Quest Protein bars. I liked the regular Quest Protein bars (they’re delicious) but the artificial sweeteners gave me headaches. So I was thrilled that the “all-natural” line excluded artificial sweeteners in favor of stevia and something called luo han guo. But then I bought some peanut butter and jelly bars, which I thought were part of the "all-natural" line but aren't. Oh no, sucralose!

I should just give the pb&j bars to my husband but, knowing me, I'll probably try them and just remain attentive to whether I get my usual sucralose headache. For science. Of course, I really need to not eat too many protein bars in general; they’re supposed to be for emergencies, not daily indulgence. I’ve been good about not resorting to them for a while, but there was a week or so where I ate at least one a day (due to stress and poor menu planning) and that wasn’t the greatest. If nothing else, they’re hell of expensive, so.

ANYWAY. I’m all wound up and verbose, I guess. Better channel some of this energy into housework and job applications and, what the hell, exercise.

PS: I finally ordered my iron supplement from Bariatric Advantage. …and I think it has sucralose in it. So we shall see how that goes. I’m prepared to get in touch with the ARNP to ask if I can switch to something else, but for now I’ll give it a shot because it’s what she recommended.

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