So I spent the last six months or so just...doing what?

Jul 24, 2014

Well. It's been a few months. A few tumultuous months. I've been seeing a counselor, intermittently doing better with some of my Eating Issues, sometimes exercising enough, sometimes drinking enough water, and generally feeling more-or-less better than I probably deserve to considering how casual I've been about sticking to my plan. But here's something kind of dumb and embarrassing to admit: in January, I was scheduled for a routine followup visit with the ARNP. I'd gotten my labs done (even the twenty-four-hour urine!) and had an appointment and everything. But then I got sick, maybe with the flu, and missed a bunch of work and and everything was horrible and I canceled my appointment.

And never rescheduled it. 

I had the best of intentions. (Really!) But by the time I was feeling better, our big annual fundraiser was rapidly approaching and I had basically zero time. Kept telling myself I'd reschedule as soon as the auction was over.

But then there was the aftermath of the auction.

And then there was our Executive Director's unplanned departure.

And then there was x, y, and z.

And now it's almost August.

So I feel pretty loathsome for letting that go for so long. And the longer it went, the harder it was to pick up the phone and make an appointment. But I just did! Just now! Sort of. I requested the orders for lab work, and once I have those and know when I can get my labs done, I'll call back and get my actual appointment scheduled. And in the meantime I've got to reign in my behavior.

I need to drink water. Take my protein shake. Take my vitamins. Exercise. NOT EAT THINGS I SHOULDN'T EAT. (Especially that last one.) (Counseling helps with this. Sometimes I still get the better of myself. By "sometimes" I mean "distressingly often.")

Anyway, I have no idea what I weigh right now. I can tell I've gained a fair amount. I'd estimate I'm hovering around 160+, which isn't the worst, but sure as hell isn't where I want to be. 

Part of the problem, I think, is I feel like I let go of my identity as a "good patient." Not to say that "PERSON WHO HAD WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY" is the most important thing about me, but it is a thing, and it isn't something I can afford to forget again. No matter how busy life gets, no matter how badly I want to go undercover as a normal person. 

(Seriously, self. You barely have a stomach. You don't get to be normal. Not in that way.)

Just gotta take care of stuff that needs taking care of, you know? Anyway. I'm back. 

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