Two experiences: one humbling, one energizing

Dec 04, 2014

I meant to blog about this when it actually happened, but I got lazy and kind of sad and "meh" and never got around to it. At my last appointment with the ARNP, she suggested I do something called a "barre class." Apparently this is a thing? Like, a trendy fitness thing? I hadn't heard of it but I Googled and found a local studio offering a free introductory technique class, which I took a couple Sundays ago. OMFG it almost killed me dead; I ached and walked funny, no lie, for five days afterward. And I was by far the least adept person there. But it was fun. And horrible. And slightly fun. Anyway, I bought myself a "punch card" (ten classes I can take whenever) and now that my big November commitments have died down I fully intend to go back. Honestly, I've been so sedentary for so long at this point I'm a little scared to take a real barre class (since the intro-to-technique workshop that almost destroyed me was slowed down compared to what they do in a normal class). I may need to reintroduce myself to the good ol' treadmill and get slightly less out of shape before I start redeeming my punch card.

Tonight I had a session with my therapist. It was good even though I went into it sulky and morose about how rotten I've been all month. (Eating all the bad things, doing none of the good things.) But it was good, and I'm grateful for my counselor. And then I did a thing I should've done a long time ago: I went to a support group meeting-thing. My timing is a little weird since tonight's was their last for the year, and was more of a social/dinner than a structured meeting, but it was a nice way to meet people and get to know them, and I look forward to attending these meetings regularly. I think it's important to be around other folks who "get it" and are willing to talk to me about SoBe Lifewater Zero and how we're cold all the time and sleep apnea and other bariatric stuff. I've written this before, but it's worth remembering: being a bariatric patient isn't the only thing about me, or even the most interesting thing about me, but it is a thing about me and when I forget that or distance myself from it I get complacent. So I gotta start going to support group, seriously.

Only other thing on my mind is the hideous structural racism destroying our country. My heart's with the demonstrators in NYC and elsewhere, and I'm meditating on what I can do as a big dumb out-of-touch white person to actually help (as opposed to inserting myself into spaces that aren't for me, talking over voices that need to be heard way more than mine does, etc.) Doing a lot of thinking and reading and a little donating (less than I'd like) and...then what? Looking for the then-what.

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