Work

Aug 25, 2011

Since 2006 I have loved my job.  I enjoyed coming to work, it wasn't a struggle to get up and come in each morning.  Over the last year that has changed.  I had a friend here at work who I trusted, loved, and allowed into my life.  She was in my wedding in 2007, I invited her family to my son's b-day parties, she was there the day my second son was born.  Now we're at the point at work where we do not talk, and can't even to cooperate enough to get work done.  It sucks.  Because of this work has gone from being a place I love to be to a place I dread coming to each day.  And it isn't even like I have an office where I can close the door.  She and I are in what I like to call "the bullpin", cubes in the middle of a circle of offices.  So I get the pleasure of hearing every little thing that comes out of her mouth all day.  Tough to turn off.  So today's solution has been to put in one earphone and listen to Pandora.  So far so good. 

This struggle at work has translated into a complete meltdown in all areas of my life.  I am constantly on the verge of tears.  I am constantly yelling at my kids, and short with my husband.  Not to mention the fact that there is no intimacy between us because I am always angry.  Not at him, just at my work situation.  Which is so not fair to him. 

I have always had depression.  I've talked about it before on here.  My doctor now has me on two antidepressants, a mood stabilizer and an anti anxiety pill to take when I feel a panic attack coming on.  You might be thinking that none of that is helping since I am posting what I am posting.  But I can honestly say I do believe they are working, I am at work, I am up and moving.  Those are huge accomplishments when you're so unhappy. 

How has this stress translated to my weight loss?  Binging.  I eat.  And eat, and eat.  But at least I am eating healthy choices, hence no immense weight gain.  But I also believe this situation and stress has kept me from striving to lose more weight.  I just don't have the energy.  As sad as it sounds, I am just happy I am able to get up in the morning and get to work in one piece.  And I am also thrilled that no one around here seems to really notice that I am worse for wear.  Not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.  I guess as long as my productivity isn't effected I am good.

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