Gotta tan my fat!

Mar 27, 2013

On vacation!! Yay!! We arrived in Destin, FL yesterday and our condo is really cute.  (We booked last minute and there is always that fear that you'll arrive and the room will be horrible). We have a view of the bay and a nice little balcony to sit out on.  We face the west so we can watch the sunset if we want.  It reminds us of our balcony we had on our honeymoon cruise.  That was a great time.  The best part about it is that the balcony chairs are small with arms. Patio furniture and my hips usually do not get along.  But I fit!! Perfectly! The chairs aren't even tight on my hips.  So that's definitely a great feeling for me.

I was 299.6 yesterday morning and I am determined not to let the vacation take me back over 300.  I don't care if I don't lose but I dont want to gain.  There is a fitness center with the condo and I woke up this morning and went.  I actually jogged for 9 minutes all together.  Last time was only 6 minutes!  So I feel great this morning.  I brought my protein shakes with me and we stopped and picked up some deli meat and cheese to keep in our little fridge.  Last night I ate sensibly at dinner even though I had one rum and diet coke.  First time I really have had a drink or diet coke since surgery.  I don't plan on making it a habit though.  Only about 70 calories and low carb so I didn't feel too bad about it.

This is my first vacation with my husband since our honeymoon that I actually feel good about myself.  The last time we stayed in a hotel was Thanksgiving at his parents and I was SO FREAKIN FAT and uncomfortable.  Ugh, I hate thinking about it.  I felt horrible and bloated and just gross.  But that didn't keep me from stuffing my face any time food was around.  One of the "vets" on this site replied to a post in a forum that I wrote and she talked about her therapist making her sit and think about the feelings that she had when she was at her heaviest weight.  A light bulb went off in my head when I read that.  Maybe I can use that as a strategy for when I am having head cravings and getting the urge to binge or eat crap.  I haven't had that feeling since surgery but sooner or later, I know it will creep back.

If I can take a moment to sit and really think about how I felt at 362... How I felt going out to eat with J and not being able to fit in the patio chair outside and having to move to a booth.  How I felt crammed into an airline seat going to training in Chicago for work.  The entire time, the arm of the airline chair was DIGGING into my hip and thigh.  I had two huge bruises on my thighs for days after.  How I felt getting ready in the hotel room and going to J's parents house, knowing that they would be pretty stunned at how much weight I had gained.  If I really sit and ponder those thoughts, I think it would be less likely to stuff my face with food.  Food isn't worth it! I have to keep that mantra in my head... Food isn't worth it! Food isn't worth it!  I would rather enjoy my life and my experiences then hide at home in my sweatpants eating chips. 

So, anyways, I am going to have a great day with J even though its friggin cold here! The high is only like 63 today!! But it should be 75 by Friday so hopefully we will get at least get one good day to just hang at the beach and get a tan! I need a tan on this hot body... TOTALLY kidding! I need a tan on my fat and cellulite.  My fat looks better brown! :-)

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