Are you kidding me!?!

Sep 01, 2013

Quick blog to say that some days, I really really freaking hate this.  I hate having to worry about losing weight, I hate having to watch every calorie, carb, fat and protein gram. I hate that I'm obsessed with this.  I am trying so hard to work this into my life and not the other way around.  I don't want my LIFE to be my diet. I don't want to make plans with my family and friends around my weight. I feel out of control today; I feel like I'm standing on the edge of the pool ready to dive in to the "I don't care" waters.

I have been struggling this past week with the scale. It started Wednesday with the scale staying the same and now I'm steadily gaining each day. Today was another pound and a half! I ate well yesterday, drank all my water, walked on the beach.  And I don't want to hear that I am about to start my period, retaining water, building muscle, blah blah blah. All I want is to see that scale go down! I was so pissed this morning after getting on that stupid scale. I had a fun day yesterday with a friend at the beach and dinner. I ate a half of a bunless burger and a few bites of blue cheese coleslaw. I wanted Nachos and Chips and salsa.  I wanted chips at the beach and wanted to snack all night. I resisted and my reward was an extra pound and a half. I know, I know... There are times I indulge and still lose weight so I have to take the good with the bad. But I'm being a brat and don't wanna hear that right now.

I drove myself to Panera with a book and stood in line this morning. I said, Screw this, I'm gonna eat whatever I want today.  I mulled over the bagels and the danishes and the breakfast sandwiches and imagined which of them I would eat. I ordered about ten things mentally in my head. I got up the cashier and ordered a medium coffee and nothing else. The prices of my indulgence was the biggest thing that stopped me from ordering anything else (I can be cheap sometimes) so I told myself I would get something else today. I sat and drank coffee and read for a while then thought maybe I would go to McDonald's and get a biscuit. But I cruised past that and ended up stopping at Goodwill just to look around. I bought a shirt and a pair of capris.

On the way home, Jason asked me to bring him an iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts and so I went through the drive through. Thought of all the things I could order but left with just the coffee. 

Now I am home and in the worst, pouty mood. I cried to my husband about it. Again, wallowing in my pity party. He was very sweet to me and helped me put it all in perspective. He had his time with low carb the last couple of weeks and he totally feels my pain these days. LOL I decided to blog to get it out and try to move on with my day. We are supposed to be going to the beach and another town with the kids today and I just wanna say F THIS and lay on a bed of carbs and eat my way to the bottom. But I am not... I am gonna forget about the scale for a few days. I am gonna put it away and stick to my plan and weigh again on Thursday morning before I leave town. I am going home to see my coworkers and old friends and I'm excited for them to see the thinner me. Let's just hope my thinner me body will cooperate with me!!

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