I've had enough!

Aug 09, 2010

Well, last week was too much drama. It seems like my husband has been flipping out lately about anything and everything. I on the other hand had a plan to organize the house and get my house unpacked finally and he just popped that bubble for me. It's like we had to walk on egg shells here to keep him happy. WTF!? I was cleaning and he had a problem with the way things were in the refrigerator and how things were put in the cabinets! It was never ending! I finally told him that if he didn't like it he could do it his damn self.  I'm barely feeling better and want to do so much, but I am only one person and I only have 2 hands! Then the fight got ugly and hurtful. I felt so beat down for days. I don't want to feel like this towards my husband and I surely don't want to have a broken home, but I'm barely dealing with ME. How can I hold him up if no one is holding me up? It's taken days to recover and now I'm trying to get back into the mood to do my projects around the house. If you ask me...If I could. I wouldn't even open these damn boxes and just give them all to Good Will.
I was thinking like I did in my old life. I wanted a massive meal from Carl's Jr with a huge Coke and then I wanted Chinese food and mexican food. The good thing is is that I can't even begin to have any of that, and also I needed someone to go get it for me (I don't drive). So here I sat with my lemonade crystal light on ice and and apple with peanut butter. I was never a drinker so alcohol isn't my thing. I didn't realize how much I used food to get through the drama and the stress in my life. I just disgusted myself. A part of me just wishes that I can get away for a little bit. Take a walk on the beach and not worry about diapers, making dinner or bills. I just want to sit on the beach and not say a damn word and enjoy the view. Why does that thought make me feel so guilty? Why do I have to cry so damn much! I want to enjoy my life and this new body. This has nothing to do with my WLS, but I feel like others are trying to bring me down. I had to vent. I felt like I was going to explode!I love my husband with all my heart, but he's trippin!

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