Nerves are getting the best of me.

Apr 02, 2012

So the stress test came back abnormal and I had to get cardiac clearence in order to have the surgery. I went to my cardiologist and had an echo-stress test which came back fine and I got the okay. The surgeons office will be calling tomorrow to schedule a date for the surgery and I'm freaking out! I'm pist my nerves are starting to get the best of me though. I think a part of the anxiety and nerves is the fact I'm not telling my family about the type of surgery it is. I'm going to tell them I'm having a hernia repair since its an equivilent surgery. No one in my family knows the truth but 2 friends do. Annnnnnnnnd the other part of my problem is the "what if"....I know I got the cardiac clearence but I can't help but think something will go wrong and my daughter will be mother-less. I'm debating writing her a letter and putting it in a certain spot in case something happens and I don't make it home. Am I friggen crazy?! 6 months ago I would've sold my soul to the devil to have this surgery and now that is real, Im losing my damn mind!

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