The first step............

May 26, 2011

So the journey begins...........  I went to my orientation meeting tonight and will be calling UMass tomorrow to schedule my first appointment.  Nothing new tonight, because I actually went to an orientation meeting about two years ago --- however, I could not proceed further because of insurance issues.  I was working full time and had "good" insurance, but my employer had taken an exclusion on WLS coverage - so I was out of luck.  Could not afford to get my own policy.  Well, now I'm on Social Security Disability, and first thing I did was check on coverage for WLS - and it will be covered.  I'm so thrilled!

I'm having some issues at home because my fiance' is totally against my having the surgery.  He thinks it's too dangerous.  He lost his younger brother a few years due to surgery complications.  He tells me he loves me the way I am and I shouldn't undergo WLS just to look better. I don't have an issue with people not liking the way I look.  I can look people in the eye, say hi and shake their hand and feel no shame.  And people generally treat me with respect.
 
I've explained to him time and again I'm not looking to have the surgery to look better - I need it for health purposes.  I'm afraid of having a stroke or heart attack.  I'm tired, tired, tired all the time.  And I'm tired of being tired!  Also, I'm tired of huffing and puffing and getting red-faced and sweaty after walking a few feet.  I'm tired of my back feeling like it's going to split in two.  I'm tired of going to a new place, like an office or restaurant, and looking for a seat that I'm going to fit into and I'm not going to break.  I want to go to a clothing department in a store and buy something off the rack.  I want to take a flight on a plane and only buy one ticket.  I want to fit into amusement park rides.  I want to ride a bike.  Right now my days consist of sleeping and watching tv -- I want to ACTIVATE MY LIFE.

So, hopefully he'll come around when he sees I'm moving ahead.  I'm not going to give in on this - I've spent most of my life helping others and not taking care of myself.  It's me time now.

So I won't ask anyone to wish me luck - because it's not a matter of luck - it's a matter of taking control and putting in the work necessary to accomplish my goal.

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