my life is changing

Jul 20, 2010

in some ways, it is for the better. But I feel this thing inside of me, this overwhelming belief that i do NOT want to be treated badly by anyone, even the people I love most. I have discovered that I am a little bit bitchy when people are unkind, that I suddenly feel like I dont deserve to be treated badly. I never DID, but now I know...I dont have to take it. Unfortunately, this seems to be extending to my very close personal relationships...and I am sad. I am also angry. someone I love has a burgeoning problem with alcohol, and it is rushing headlong into a real problem. and the alcohol is bad enough, but the meanness that comes with it is more than I can handle. I just will not tolerate being treated badly. I dont know if this is my surgery making me bolder, or just me finally feeling stronger about myself. I deserve a better life. I am angry and emotional, sad and hurt beyond words. WHY do people turn to substances to get them through life? I used pepsi, it was my nemesis, but I let it go. It was destroying me. why cant people just see that for what it is and let go of their own demons? I know this, I am becoming too strong in myself to tolerate being anybodys verbal or physical punching bag. Not literally...at least not yet. But it has come close. And I am not in a forgiving kind of mood.

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