Sadness...

Dec 12, 2009

Soon after I received my great news that I was approved for surgery I received the news from my husband that had wanted a divorce- that for years he had been having affairs and was currently having one. My 16 years of marriage were over.

Fast forward a few months....we moved across the country ( WA to GA), are separated, and I have lost over 60 lbs...
YES  I feel 100% better...I look better..men notice me now...I have new friends..life is good..or is it?

I have been involved with a man for a month now....those close to me have warned me that he wasn't right for me..but I would,t..well scratch that.couldn't listen...He was never available..I mean never...you could never get him to answer the phone ...his texts were hours apart....his weekends were always "full", I don't think he gave me one compliment...NOW that's not to say I need to be told on a daily basis how wonderful I am ..but damn you'd think a new guy would at least throw a "your pretty" out there at least once??
I allowed this man to run me through the wringer..and why? Why did I place such little value on myself..? Why did I think it was normal to spend every weekend crying ? Monday morning he would text me some lame ex use and I always bought it..
He was like my crack....
Yesterday I asked him to come over and see me...for that I was "scary" and was dumped...huh??

I need to work through this ....I know in my right mind that he wasn't a good man..and BY far not the one...yet why do I feel compelled to want him back?
Why can I take care of my body but ignore my soul?
I feel very sad and empty today....and just want to lay in my bed and cry....

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