Pegasus_AM
Reflection#7
Sep 14, 2014
I struggled this week trying to keep on track. Now that I sit here trying to figure why I think part of the reason is because, One I'm stressed that I have not yet heard if I will be eligible for surgery, Two I have had some success in losing weight with the goals I have created (I lost another 2 pounds for a total of 7 pounds lost) and I'm afraid that if I succeed at losing weight with yet another diet they will decline the surgery so I started to self sabotage. I mean I have succeeded with dieting before multiple times but it never stays off and I end up gaining it back plus more, I just want to cycle to end. I truly believe WLS is the only tool that can help me stop this cycle now. I know it's not a miracle and it's still going to be hard work but part of the reason diets always failed in the end is because I got tired of always feeling like I was starving, not just hungry but starving. My stomach would growl constantly all day everyday and that was with a calorie intake of at least 1400 calories, so I'd eat a little more, then a little more and so on and so on till I was eating way more than any one person needs. I guess the bottom line is this week I was self soothing with food and sabotaging myself so I wouldn't lose any more weight because I fear they will reject me for surgery.
Due to my struggles this week my goals suffered but not as badly as I thought they would. 1. I ate 3 meals a day and did not skip meals (but I spaced them out past the 4-5 hours mark) 2. I didn't drink any pop 3. I didn't drink any ice tea 4. I drank my water daily 1.5-3L per day (but was closer to the 1.5 each day) 5. I logged my food everyday 6. I used myfitnesspal everyday 7. I took my vitamins/minerals everyday 8. I drank no water with meals or 30 minutes (I just missed this once) 9. NO eating after 8pm (I did this twice this week) 10. I tried a couple more types of protein this week by Unjury (unflavoured in yogurt-tolerable, chocolate splendor-tolerable, strawberry sorbet-tolerable) The rest of my goals my goals suffered more severely. 11. Focusing on my eating so I eat more slowly (I did download an eat slowly application to my phone but I neglected to use it consistently 12. One frozen treat trip per week (I ate ice cream at least 3-4 times this week to sooth myself) 13. Eating out once per week (I started the week off good planning meals for the first 3 days and then I didn't follow through for the rest of the week sadly and turned to eating out instead) 14. No added sugar (eating all that ice cream just crushed this goal)
Well I have hit the reset button and will let it go and start fresh this week. No sense beating the beat horse so to speak, I know what I did wrong I believe I figured out why so now I have to discuss it with my therapist and see what coping strategies I can come up with to help me deal with my self sabotaging behaviours. I can get myself back on track I know I can I just have to focus and remember why I'm doing this and look at the bigger goal. I want a healthy and happier me. I'm not going to add any new goals this week, just try to get all my previous goals back in place and follow through with them and reevaluate next Saturday. Hope everybody is having a great weekend, wish my luck :-)
