I had dumping issues at work today..

Oct 04, 2011

  Of all the things to dump on.. it was a pear.  A TINY pear.  I am working as the manager of a gas station that is getting ready to open up.  We have one bathroom.  It's indoors.  Today I had a BUNCH of workmen in the store installing the new registers and working on the pumps and such.  My assistant brought in these pears.  I can't remember what kind they were, but they were tiny, expensive and AMAZING!  It was almost worth it.  Almost. 
  So, *TMI WARNING* I have been constipated for days.. probably due to the massive amount of iron I have been taking.  About the time I took the last bite of this heavenly morsel, I KNEW I had done something wrong.  My stomach was making noises that reminded me just a little bit of a dying monkey.  All bad.  Then, my heart started pounding.  Then I got a light case of cold sweats.  Then came pain.  I thought it might be gas.. I was HOPING it was just gas.  I excused myself to use the restroom.  I go in there and ... nothing.  More rumbling.  Severe cramping.  Then nothing.  
  A few minutes later, I get cramps that I can't begin to describe.  Well, yes I can.  It felt like there were razorblades ripping through my abdomen.  All bad.  I go BACK to the bathroom (now everyone is paying attention because apparently, when razorblades are ripping through you, it shows on your face.  Who knew?)  This time... well, all bad things.  Keep in mind, I have been stopped up for a couple of days.  THAT had to come out first.  It was NOT pleasant.  Following the ... well, the thing that has no name... came the worst case of the backdoor trots I have ever experienced.  OMG!  So, WHILE this is happening, I realize that I need to throw up.  Good times, right?  There is no garbage can in the restroom yet, and I can't get up.  Sooo... I have to AIM it between my legs. 
  All I have to say is I DID get kind of an NSV.  I realized today that my legs are small enough that I COULD aim between them.  NO WAY I could have accomplished that freakish feat before.  Ugh.  Yay me.  
 

2 Comments