I Want A Divorce!

Jun 24, 2010

I always swore I would be married to my band for life. If it slipped id get a new one... In sickness and in health til Death do us part... Well here I am... My band is coming out Tuesday... and... I want a divorce. They say a marriage ends when all your good memories are outweighed by the bad ones... well lap band, here are my memories of you...

~ Waking up way to soon from surgery not being able to breathe
~ Gaining 5 lbs the day I started Mushies
~ Losing 45lbs my first year of marriage to you
~ The cold war... I refused to give up but you refused to reciprocate my efforts
~ The makeup sex, where I lost another 30lbs
~ The straw that broke the camels back and enflamed my esophagus...

Well my darling, I refuse to let you control my anciety for a moment longer. I refuse to let you not allow me to eat solid food, or mushie food for that matter. I refuse to not get to goal, and I refuse to stay in this loveless relationship where I continuously give and you continuously throw it back out of my face... So thank you for all of out memories, some good some bad..... I hope you can find happiness in the future with your new lovers :0)

Im sooo stressed out.... Freaking out is more like it... over 2 years later, still over 300lbs miserable and feeling like a failure. I know logically my band failed me. It never matter how much I chewed my food, how many fills or unfills i had, whether it was the first bite or the last... it always ended the same... I can;t live like this another day! I can't wait to not throw up anymore. I cant wait to start living again. I am scared to be alone again, I am scared I will never have children. I am scared the surgery will kill me. I am just scared of the unknown period...

Thanks for letting me rant.
To the newbies out there... please don't get scared by my post... I am sure I am not the norm as I have many many friends who have had bands and been super successful!!! I wish you all luck on your journey!! 

In love and In need of much support,
Rachel

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