9 Days..

Dec 20, 2013

My surgery date got moved to 12/30. That means a new start for the new year. I am all kinds of nervous and excited at once. I am on a liver shrinking diet with the hopes of losing about another 14lbs by then, but he's going to operate regardless. He was a bit concerned and said surgery might be difficult because of my weight and my small stature. I hope.. really hope.. that things turn out okay. In the end, I will still make the choice to have surgery because at this point, the only other option is to keep gaining weight and end up with all the co-morbidities I don't already have. That's not a life I want to live.

I have discovered that the protein drinks and shakes are not so easy for me to get down. I don't like the flavor (even though it's subtle), the texture, and the smell is ridiculously horrid. But I finally found 3 options that will have to get me through. I was forcing myself to choke it down and I got to the point where I just dreaded it. Now it's not quite so bad, although the smell still gets me if I accidentally get a whiff of it. I think, as I have more funding, I will be able to find more options that won't make me want to hurl.

My parents and sister are incredibly supportive. Everyone at work is incredibly supportive, but probably tired of hearing me gripe about the liquid diet ;) I feel blessed to have so many people rooting for me. I can do this. I just have to get through surgery! I haven't told many others yet - fear of failure maybe? Fear that it won't happen? I don't know.. I just know that I'm not quite ready to tell many more people. Obviously they are going to notice when I start dropping weight, but I'll cross that bridge then.

I am a bit paranoid. I have decided that I am going to add my mom to my bank account in case something happens. I am also going to put together a living will and a regular will. Not that I have anything to give, but I have some sentimental things that I would like to go to certain people if something were to happen. I have life insurance, so I think they will otherwise be okay. Don't get me wrong - I realize the statistics for deaths are fairly low, and that this is all probably overkill. I just don't want my family to have to struggle if something DID happen.

I wonder how many other people put their affairs in order before surgery.. haha

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