RLP39
Fears and concerns...worst case scenario mode tonight!
Jul 22, 2010
So, I have been reading posts on the WLS graduate forum for people a year or more out. It seems like for many people once you get far enough out it is like the surgery never even occurred. I know that this is a tool and that the goal is to make life changes now that will carry you through but it still makes me worried. Sure I am exercising now but what if 2 years from now I start making excuses due to stress, tragedy, etc?I think I also worry because I notice suddenly in the last week I can now eat more. I am definitely eating a 1/2 cup now sometimes more depending on the item. So, I know my pouch has expanded. That is normal and to be expected according to my surgeon but I worry about whether I will be good at limiting myself when the tool does not limit me. I am following the rules about not drinking with meal or for half hour after but I just worry. I worry that my metabolism is not increasing despite my dedicated and increasing exercise. I am now swimming 80 laps a day usually 5-6 days a week. I feel healthy right now and still feeling low on stress but as I read today I get discouraged about the future and sometimes the present. My husband says just stop reading the site but it seems necessary to me right now.
I have been able to feel very happy about my good health and yet today I think I have read about 3 people that lost 60-74 lbs in their first three months. Several more are at goal now and lost well over 100 lbs in their 7 - 9 months since surgery. So, of course the comparisons begin. I am a bit over 2 1/2 months out and I have lost 37 lbs since surgery. I know all of the rational arguments about comparisons -
1. Everyone is different and it is not a race focus on your own health and progress
2. At 229 lbs on surgery day you are considered a light weight and your loss will be slower
3. You lost a lot on your pre-surgery diet so you will not lose as fast post-surgery
4. Don't weigh every day focus on how clothes fit or inches lost or gains in exercise
5. It has only been 2.5 months stop worrying...37 lbs in that amount of time is great when was the last time you lost that much that fast?
6. Just follow the plan and trust me it will happen
Anyway, apparently knowing and truly believing are two different things. I don't know if I truly believe I will continue to lose (much). I don't know that I truly believe I will not regain (a lot). I don't know that I truly believe I will reach goal or anywhere close to goal even if I continue to follow the plan and exercise. In my worst case scenario mode, I think I believe that I will probably continue to lose very slowly through 6 months out (how can I not with the extreme limits on calories, carbs, sugars, fat and increase in exercise) but then I will stall only to some day regain. Tonight I feel bereft of hope and full of self-doubt.
I don't know why some people clearly don't follow their surgeon's plan and don't ever exercise and still reach goal while others truly change their lives and do not.
These are my real fears, worries, concerns and thoughts at this time. Writing them down has not helped to diminish them in my mind but hopefully it will some day help me when I look back on this journey.
