48 hours....

Aug 02, 2015

Holy. Crap. 48 hours from now, I'll be unconscious and someone will be taking most of my stomach out of my body forever.

....Oh. My. God.

I'm so jittery--I'm nervous, anxious, excited, scared...I can't wait for all of this to be over. I know this is the right choice for me, but I still just cannot wait. I was explaining my surgery to my dad last night, who didn't fully grasp what the procedure was and how it worked. The first thing out of his mouth was, "How reversible is this procedure?" And I had to explain to him, "Daddy, it isn't. They can't just put 85% of my stomach back in if it doesn't work out." I'm confident that this is the right choice, but it's still nerve-wracking. 

I got to see my extended family this weekend, which was wonderful, if a little difficult--we were having a barbecue to celebrate my cousin's graduation, and it was tough not really being able to eat anything. I almost cried over not being able to eat the cake...I love cake. I just have to keep telling myself that I'll be able to have small bits of cake someday, but for a while, that's not going to be an option. I'll get over it.

All of my family members have been so supportive of this process, but my Aunt Meredith really floored me with one of her comments--she told me I was brave for doing this. I really just didn't have any words to respond to that. The thought of this being a brave thing has never even occurred to me, but now that I think about it, I suppose it makes sense. It's brave to admit you have a problem and face it head on. It's brave to put your life in the hands of an almost-stranger and trust them to make your life better. It's brave to loot at your challenges head-on, take a deep breath, and say, "Bring it."

So am I brave? I guess that all depends on who you ask, but to at least one person in the world, I am, and that's giving me all the courage I need.

6 Comments