Pushing Ahead...

Nov 28, 2011

First off, I did swim today, even after having to talk myself out of bed, and staring at swollen eyes in the mirror, I made the effort.  Pulling on my swimsuit, I felt less than motivated, but I am determined to keep moving forward.  Through my head, I was trying to make a list of things I needed to get done, and talk myself into making the drive to the Aquatic Center.  Nope, not even grief should sidetrack us.  Well, take a few days, I admittedly did.

Getting back into the pool today I was somber.  I have to admit I was glad the perky receptionist was not at the desk this morning.  I was dreading her asking if I had a good Thanksgiving; why didn't I come in more last week; and other questions I was really wanting to avoid.  When I get into a low mood, I actually enjoy the solitude of swimming alone, just feeling my body & churning thoughts in my head. 

It is never an easy thing dealing with the loss of a loved one, but happening at The Holidays just seems more difficult.  I really make an effort to view life in a positive light, and point out the good things to others who are having difficulty with their vision.  So, to have to wish good tidings to others without cringing when you receive them back, really makes me want to hide out from interactions.  My biggest issue is how do you tell folks you did spend Thanksgiving with friends and family, but you are hurting inside because you have kept the fact that your grandmother just died?  For the most part, I have held "it" together, kept my tears for when I am alone, and worn sunglasses to hide the swollen eyes. 

On the positive side of dealing with my grief, I ate sensibly, and reached for an apple instead of pretzels when I wanted something crunchy.  Yup, I considered not making my own food today, but then I considered the alternative: Drive Thru Fast Food.  You can insert a chuckle here, as I am pretty proud that I did not wimp out, partly because the thought kind of turned my stomach.  Many times when I feel blue, I have turned to the "quick fix," but I find myself making better choices, so I see progress.  Leftover turkey warmed with some cheese is what I ate.  Then when I considered the pretzels, I went & grabbed an apple instead.  Food should not medicate our feelings, so try to remember that the next time stress comes your way.

Water.  Don't forget the water ;)  I am definitely a bit behind in drinking, and all these tears need to be replenished, so I have my trusty 40 Ouncer next to me.  I just had a funny image of me all thugged out with my 40 of tap water - yo! yo! yo!

Don't let hurt feelings make you give in, be gone thoughts of useless carbs!  Thank you to all who have written & support me -- really, it does help me push myself to keep going, and I appreciate it very much.  So here I am, pushing myself to Stay Positive, so please will you Stay Positive, too?!

Brenda

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