Happy Holidays... No, I'm Not Being PC!

Dec 17, 2011

I have to say thank you to all who have sent me messages, kept me in their thoughts, and supported me through this tough time.  My blogging hasn't been high on my daily "need to do" list, but trust me, I see the notifications, then feel guilty for not logging on & keeping the communication going.  To those out there who go through difficult times, when it happens, shutting down is the WRONG thing to do.  I am "limping" my way through my daily routine, but I still have to keep active, emotionally as well as physically.

My swimming is getting me closer to my goal - I finished mile 478.  With plans to swim Sunday, adding days here and there will make the goal possible.  Having a daily routine will help, so I keep going, since this weight isn't going to come off on it's own.  Come to think of it, I just realized a really cool number, I was 474 pounds when I started this journey, so I have swam MORE miles than I used to weigh.  That brought a smile to my face.  Finding the positive in any situation is always the way to go.  When I say "stay positive," I mean it, and try to live it.

On Tuesday, I have an early appointment with a plastic surgeon, so rest assured, I will be swimming after the appointment.  Standing in front of my mirror last night, I started to laugh.  It's a whole lot better than looking at a half empty glass then sobbing that it's too full!  My thighs are caving in on themselves, but I expected that.  My pannus is very heavy, I was lifting & dropping it, laughing at the absurd sound it made slapping against my thighs.  I then sighed, climbed into the shower and thought how wonderful it will be to NOT have to lift my belly up, just to wash.  Pretty harsh, huh?  Well, those of us in really high BMIs have these things to face, if we are to be successful!  The good with the bad; I prefer having my deflated body over the over stuffed one I am slowly leaving behind. 

What would I do differently if I was deciding to get Gastric Bypass?  The first answer is usually the same - done it sooner.  But having done as much studying about nutrition, and living the "after" before surgery for over a year REALLY made the transition so much easier.  Eating 1200 calories - HONESTLY - isn't always easy, and you will have to learn how many calories you are under guessing if you eat Fast Food.  The kids meal at most those restaurants is mind boggling, and I really never guessed I was getting so many calories until I did my homework.  If you are considering surgery, take classes on eating correctly, get your blood work done so you and your doctor and (hopefully) a nutritionist can see how you already eat (shows up in the blood), and make corrections before you commit.  Becoming active is a huge hurdle to jump for many of us, so start slowly, build up, but do it before surgery.  Start taking supplements before surgery, building up your bank of nutrients - the first three months after surgery, you will have difficulty getting nutrition just from food, so the sooner you start banking your vitamins, minerals, and protein, the easier your recovery.  Oh, and you will lose a lot less hair.  Make sure you not only are physically ready, but be emotionally ready.  I never had "last meal mentality," because I went into my surgery armed with knowledge, and I made peace with my food issues.  Head hunger STILL is an issue, but I have not had it as bad as some of my friends.

Everyday is a struggle, for whatever reason, that is just life.  Stay positive, keep your goals small enough to attain - but have enough to keep you going further, and know that if you are ready to change your life completely, you can succeed after surgery.  I am only starting my second year after surgery, and have a long way to go weight-wise, but I still see my future changing before my eyes.  Being honest with myself has been the one thing I can share that may not come up in your doctor appointments, so start as soon as possible.  When I have had cheats - yes, we all have them - I have to admit it to myself, and to others.  Those pesky calories do add up, so face the truth and work toward repairing your behavior, not just "I'll do better, tomorrow..."  Having surgery really is just a tool, what you do with your tool, that is how you succeed or fail.

For all you out there following my journey, I am still keeping my head up, and still keeping my eye on the prize, I just have had a little more emotions to deal with at the moment.  Hey, life happens, you cannot hide from it, and why would you want to?  I have always tried to live my life loudly, and strive to be the best person I can be.  When I have a bad day, I remind myself I am human, and try to turn it around.  Am I happy?  Yes, I am.  So, before you try to hide yourself behind closed doors, just remember, every bite you take in private, will show when you finally are back out in public! 

For those of you who already had surgery, just realize that the weight can sneak back up on you - support, support, support!  I have enjoyed talking with folks who are more than two - three years out, how they have coped with their eating issues, as well as staying active.  I used to ask my mother who got me into TOPS at an early age, "Why do those women keep coming?  They aren't fat."  My mother would then explain that they lost their weight, and keep coming to KEEP OFF their weight (Take Off Weight Sensibly - Keep Off Weight Sensibly).  It does work, if you continue to be accountable and aware of your behavior.  I know, I am still a young'un when you consider I am merely a year out of surgery, but I hope to keep blogging the journey in the years to come.  Hey, I really do try to walk the walk, otherwise I have not been honest with the one person I should be -- ME. 

I did this for me.  I did this for my family.  I did this because I hate to walk out of a movie before it's over, and that is my view of life.  Why leave before your movie is over?  I used to stay & watch the credits at the movies, only to FINALLY be rewarded with Ferris Buelers Day Off!  Then it hit me, that is exactly how I want to live my life, beyond what most people see as the end, all the way through the credits, just in case!  My grandmother told me last Christmas, "Brenda, I don't think I want to see my next birthday..."  To which I stated, "Does this mean I have to come back for another visit before June?!"  I did, I saw her in May, and I just wish she made it to our next Christmas.  My Christmas Angel was a gift to me by my grandmother, I did get choked up, but instead I started singing Christmas Carols and thinking about her wonderful life.  If I plan to see 96 like I am shooting for, it will take a lot of exercise & good living -- oh, and an excellent attitude!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Festivus, Happy Kwanzaa, Festival of Lights, Merry Winter Solstice, Happy New Year - just have a WONDERFUL LIFE!  Love yourself and those around you -- trust me, you'll have prettier wrinkles from smiling than from frowning!  Stay Positive!!!

Brenda : )~

p.s. I REALLY will write all you folks who have written me - I PROMISE!!!

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