H'Anger... My new Brenda-ism

Jul 25, 2012

Not a whole lot of things trigger my head hunger (ha, that should be read with a tone of sarcasm), but I do want to talk about what I call H'Anger.  Nope, not a hanger for clothing, it is the emotional need - or severe want, I guess - to feed my angered psyche.  Some folks eat when they are sad, when they are happy and/celebrating, but I haven't had too many folks say they eat out of anger.  I am one of those who will reach for "forbidden" foods when I am severely pissed off.

Intellectually, I know I am not REALLY hungry, I just feel like if I feed the anger, it will magically disappear (HA!).  Thinking back, I know I used this tactic as a child.  Why in the world would a person feel a way to get back at those people they are angry with, would be to shove food in their face?  I guess I may need to reflect on this, and I'll get back to you!  Punishing others by eating is in fact punishing myself, sigh.  Maybe I do have more things messed up in my head, than I previously though (currently think).

Before anyone tells me that "anger is a useless emotion," I seriously get it.  As a child, I really was that kid who tried to please EVERYONE.  Always working hard for acceptance, yet because I was fat, I never quite met the mark (at least in my head).  Being the Teachers Pet was just an added bonus -- and probably making me an easier target for those who didn't just single out the "fat kid".  So, if I have always wanted to please others, why would I live a fat life?  Almost as vexing as the Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop question.

Sadly, most programs in Bariatrics do NOT address the emotional issues -- but this is changing!!!  In my opinion - yup, I have more than a few of those - anyone wanting to get surgical intervention, should have to do more than just pass a psychiatric evaluation (I actually challenged one program & paid out of pocket for a doctors expert opinion - I REALLY wanted to do "this" right).  Head hunger is probably the best known phrase for us WLS folks.  Cruel, we can think we want something so bad, we will be willing to do ANYTHING to get it; but when the going gets tough (or too easy), we sabotage ourselves with food.

Maybe it is a good thing I try to keep my anger in check!  Are you one like me, "eating your emotions away"?  Well, try to remember, what YOU eat in PRIVATE, will be VISIBLE to EVERYONE.  I do not care about your food journal - YOU should care about it.  If you are willing to lie to yourself (that's a little blunt, huh?), I am pretty sure lying to others will be easy... "I just cannot figure out how I am stuck/gaining/feeling yucky" -- do a REAL evaluation of what you are eating & what is eating you (that is a great pun).  Stop feeding your head & heart -- start feeding the entire body, HEALTHFULLY!

Stay Positive!
Brenda : )~

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