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Dec 20, 2010

Here I sit with a tentative surgery date and I still choose a name that shows my ambivalance to the descision to use this tool to lose weight.  When I think about how unhealthy I am, how large I am, how hard it is to feel confident, and my family - I don't see any other option but when I think about all the things that could happen - I ask myself wtf am I thinking.

My husband is wrapped up in his own surgery tomorrow and rightly so.  My mom is concerned but trying to be supportive and my littlest Marissa is all for it but the bottom line is that it is really all up to me.  Will I ever reach a point that I'm all for it or will I go into surgery wonder what the heck I'm doing.

I pray to God and ask for guidance and comfort with my decision but I'm not there yet.  I think he really wants me to think about it before I jump in.  So I've decided to postpone the date till at least the end of January....BUT I am still penciled in for Jan 10th.....

I think it is pretty obvious that I am on the fence and I sure hope that as the time goes by and I become more educated that I will jump off the fence and do something about this weight.   I know it is only a matter of time before I have diabetes, heart disease or some other catastropic disorder.  Wouldn't it be better to deal with this now before it gets to that point.

$$$$ big concern.  Out of pocket it is 21,000.00.  This is out of our retirement fund.  Can we really afford to do this?

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