Random thoughts 10 days out

Aug 06, 2010

Weight: 346
8/6/10

There were several things that went wrong logistically with my surgery that still bug me, particularly because they highlight my bad marriage.  The night before my surgery my husband worked late, miscommunicated what time he would be home as 9pm, and then ended up showing up after midnight.

He also refused to answer my frantic phone calls trying to find out what was going on, because he assumed I was already angry with him, and wanted to avoid talking to me and having an argument in front of his co-workers.

I tried to tell him that I was more angry that he didn't answer my calls and that I knew he was ignoring me, and that if he had simply texted me that he had to work later than expected I would have understood. He also seemed to choose the worst moment to tell me how he thought I was making a bad choice having surgery, the night before.

There's a lot more to it than that, but the short version of the story is that we got into a big argument and I hardly had any sleep the night before.  Hardly the way you want to go into a major surgery.

Since I got out of surgery so late, and my hubby didn't listen to my plan, he wasn't able to be there for me.  The plan was to have my son in daycare until 6pm, then have my hubby drop off my MIL and I at the hospital, and pick up my MIL later in the evening.

Instead my husband left the hospital at 3pm before I even got out of recovery and took my MIL with him to go get my son out of daycare. It so happens that SuperRN met up with them before they left, so when I woke up the first person and only person I saw was her.  She looked like an angel.. now I know why they call them surgery angels.

I might have been by myself if it weren't for her.  My hubby had given me a hard time for inviting some "internet" person I just met when he and my MIL were more than willing to leave me with her because of poor planning, and someone else willing to step in and help out.  Some "internet" person I had just met was more supportive than my family. *sigh*

I couldn't say exactly that I'm back to normal physically.  My incisions are still healing.  They don't hurt under most conditions, but I can't have any tight fabric near them or stretch them too much.  I'm sure that will go away soon.

Even on liquids I don't feel as if I have learned adequately how to go slowly and I'm still working on that.  I'm only 10 days out so I think that will be a continuous adjustment.  I have had hiccups from drinking too fast.

I can't wait to go onto purees.. I'm counting the days.  I know I'm going to really have to concentrate and go slowly at that phase.  Then eventually I will have to learn how to eat solids appropriately, which solids work for me, etc. So it is definitely a learning experience and a process.

I have lost 14 pounds since surgery, not including the 8 pounds of water weight I gained from surgery and then had to re-lose.  I don't feel super excited I guess maybe because I'm trying not to set myself up for unrealistic expectations.

I know it won't always come off at that rate, and that I have a lot of work ahead of me. I have so much to lose, some times it feels overwhelming.  I can't bring myself to be optimistic enough to think that one day I will be a normal weight and all that entails.  I'll be happy with what ever weight loss comes and I will continue to work my tool.

I just pray and hope for a healthier longer life and I think my toool will help me get there, even though I'll never be confused for a super model.

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