Time for the Truth

Dec 29, 2008

Ok. So here it is December 29th. And my food was NOT good over the holidays. In fact it was downright bad.  So today I weighed 205.8. Less with jiggling. But I think that is what I weigh.  I have cut way back on the sugar stuff... not completely gone but nearly. I have been getting rid of all the crap lying around the house from Christmas. Today so far has gone well. I would like to be back in onederland for my birthday - 10 days from now.  Maybe too tall an order but I can try and at least be back in onederland by the end of January. I have joined the Band grads group and really need to start checking in more. It was a VERY HARD year. My brother was very ill and died. My best friend died. My oldest daughter had very serious health issues,  blood clots, strokes, a scary car accident.  I started on a Masters Degree and was teaching full time and have a two year old grandaughter who (though delightful) is very time consuming. And through all of that I gained weight.  How? I ate between meals, ate sugar, ate ice cream. Not too difficult.  I stopped being manic about writing down my food.  I cut back on my excercise.  Not a real mystery.  I have plenty of good excuses as to why I did it. Stress, sadness, fear, confusion, exhaustion. The Holidays became my excuse to binge. Woohoo!!! Food!. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO WHERE I WAS.  The band keeps me from eating everything in sight. But I can still eat all the time.  TIME FOR TRUTH.
FOOD IS NOT MY FRIEND.  Food is not my place of solace, or entertainment, or companion or anything. It is nutrition, fuel. And too much makes me sick, and ultimately will kill me.  There it is. I had surgery to save my life. I have to get back on track.  A new year is dawning in  a couple of days. I want next year, when I am writing in my blog to be the year that I finally got to goal.  Thank you Lord for bringing me through a really tough year. At my lowest this year I was 188 for about a week. Most of the year I hung at about 190- 194.  That went up to 206 in October.  At the beginning of Last year I weighed 199. So I gained a net of 6 pounds this year.  Given the hideous year -- six pounds is pretty miniscule.  But I am up 18 pounds from my lowest.  And about 11 up from where my weight had pretty much settled.  If this sounds like rationalization, perhaps it is. I just want to try to really see what I have done.  I am ok. I am here. I am eating correctly today - right now.  Maybe its time to get back to one day at a time.  Today I will do the band rules, water before, not after meals.  3 meals, two (low calorie snacks)  thats it.  90 grams of protein - stay under 1350 calories.  Write down my food.  Ok. I can do this. Thank you Lord for being there and loving me always through this. . Amen.

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