Question:
Has anyone found their husband gaining a lot of weight as you lose your weight?
When I hit size 8 my husband became vry uncomfortable with our life. He says he likes the way I look but he is constantly eating deserts and things I can't eat in front of me. He is putting on weight quickly. It's as if he is trying to sabatoch me or make me feel guilty about his weight. I don't know what to do, i love him and he is a good man but he is driving me crazy. He is a big man to start with and does not need to gain more weight, Bit I will not let him take this awy from me. has any one else delt with this? — Linda C. (posted on June 5, 2003)
June 5, 2003
Hi Linda, My husband who is a big man, started eating more 2 weeks before
my surgery. I found sweets stashed everywhere and he did eat in front of
me. 4 days after surgery he "forgot" and bought me an ice cream.
I do not believe that he was trying to sabotage me and I still don't.
Eating is a way to deal with emotions. It's one of the many reasons people
are overweight to start with. We get nervous about self image and eat, we
have a good day so we celebrate with food, we have a bad day and we get out
the Ben and Jerry's, we go on a date -we eat, we show love for someone by
making them dinner. I am now out of that food cycle because of the surgery,
but now I realize that my husband is in that cycle. He doesn't do it to
make me feel guilty or because he wants to hurt me, but because it is how
he deals with conflict, love and emotion. Your husband could be eating for
a variety of reasons. For my husband it was because he was feeling insecure
of our relationship because now I am beautiful to many and not just to him.
You may want to sit and talk with your husband and explain that his eating
and weight concerns you. That you want him around for many years and that
if he continues to eat this way he won't be there. I talked with my husband
and as he says and shows me that he has started to "get control"
of himself and his eating. I explained that he has nothing to be insecure
about. Best wishes
— M B.
June 5, 2003
Although my hubby was very concerened about me having surgery he was also
very supportive. I am very lucky to have him! And as well, the opposite
has happened with him. Before we could match each other in the mass
quantities of food we would consume, but now he sees how much I eat and it
makes him more aware of what he eats. He will only eat 2 times that amount
that I do (he is still a big guy after all) and then force himself to stop.
We weighed exactly the same when I had surgery and now I have lost 125
pounds and he has lost almost 40!
— salymsmommy
June 5, 2003
My husband has gained weight since I had surgery on 12/6/01. It's taken a
long time for my family/friends to stop feeling sorry for him and feeding
him. Apparently everyone thought that because I couldnt eat the same, I
wouldn't be feeding him either. Believe me, I fed him, plus he ate what I
couldn't eat, plus other people were feeding him. He eats things in front
of me that I can't eat but it doesn't bother me at all. I had this surgery
because I let myself get out of control with my weight. It wasn't his
fault, so he shouldn't have to suffer with me. Plus, for every high sugar
dessert he can eat, I can find something comparable but good for me that I
can eat.
— Monica H.
June 5, 2003
The first few months (maybe 6 months or so) he lost 50 plus pounds... he
was riding bikes, and he would not eat sweets because I couldn't, in fact
he ate better period. He did so well. Then the holidays rolled around...
and he bagan eating the sweets and the big meals etc., and like others said
he's eat his plus what I didn't eat. He's gained those 50 pounds and then
some. He's very stressed and upset but I don't really know what to do for
him... I don't say anything because I know it would hurt his feelings...
but I just ache when I see him struggle for breath, and going through all
the things I hated about being so over weight (I am still 255 pounds down
from 384 last July)... anyway that's where I am...I am glad you asked as I
have enjoyed seeing others input...
— MF
June 5, 2003
My husband is supportive of me. He is a little insecure about my looks but
has always been that way. He is gaining weight though! He thinks he needs
to finish what I can't eat. I grill out or fix me something and there is
always leftovers. (FOR A SHORT TIME!) LOL! He exercises with me and is
trying to let there be leftovers. He came from a big family. You had to
eat all you wanted the first time because nothing was ever left. Good
luck.
— Lisa C.
June 5, 2003
My husband is the most wonderful guy on earth. Note I didn't say PERFECT,
just wonderful! I recognized him in the other posts, as well. When I had
my WLS, he was 85 lbs over wt. When I was 1 yr out, he was 110 over. So,
what does that tell us? That he qualified for surgery, that's what! And he
had it. And then we were equal. And life got LOTS easier for both of us.
— vitalady
June 6, 2003
Know just what you mean. Since my surgery Oct 2002 I have lost 110 lbs
& I think my hubby has gained at least 40 lbs.. He eats junk food
constantly, and also eats the low sugar things I have hidden in the frig
for myself.. not to m,entiona anything I do not finish.. I am up running
around all the time & he has become a couch potato.. Cannot figure it
out for the life of me.. Before my surgery I was the couch potato eating
all the junk food.. Oh well, I love him no matter what.. My gues is that
it's a phase & will work itself out.. Good luck to you & yours.
— Anne T.
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