Question:
Is the support group meetings I go to done right??
Hi guys, I go to a support group meeting through the hospital that I had my surgery at. The nurse coordinator hosts the meetings which is cool. What I don't quite like/understand/agree with is that she seems to put people down for their choices. A man mentioned he ate some un-breaded sweet & sour chicken and he was just commenting on the social gathering he was at and that's what he ate and didn't get bothered by the sugar, and she was like "now is that the best protein choice you could have made?" Now, I do understand she's the nurse and coordinator of the whole thing, but this is supposed to be SUPPORT GROUP between WLS patients correct? Shouldn't support group be between us and not necessarily including her? Also, the program that our surgeon has us on includes 2-3 meals of mostly protein, and low-carb otherwise. Also they do NOT recommend protein supplements, and she will not even say that they're okay at all. So in meetings, we really can't talk about protein supplements because that's not part of THEIR program. I feel like we can't be open and just talk normally because she butts in on every comment and tried to be a drill sergeant. Needless to say, she annoys me BIG TIME. I really don't understand if it's just me, or is this NOT the way a support group is supposed to be? Can you guys tell me what your support group is like and who runs it? What do you discuss? What's a good way to run it? Please let me know. I would even be willing to hold my own support group elsewhere by renting a room once a month from a night school or something. I would like to run one where we're not chastized for being NORMAL. Mind you, the nurse coordinator is 5'10ish, 140 lbs, and never has been over 15 pounds overweight in her life. PLEASE, what kind of SUPPORT is she offering? — Iris B. (posted on February 19, 2003)
February 19, 2003
Start your own group, a local library will likely provide space for free.
She sounds like a drill sargent, just wait till our meetings are more
popular than hers:)
— bob-haller
February 19, 2003
The leader of our group is a WLS patient herself and is about 18 months
post-op. We have different topics each month to discuss and then we have
open question and answer time. Start your own group you need support not a
drill sargent.
— Shirley C.
February 19, 2003
Hi, first is there someone you can talk to about her, she has to answer to
someone, do others in your group feel like you do? If so you are not doing
anyone any favors by not speaking up. I run a support group for the BTC, we
talk about everything, some of our topics are restraunts ( I brought in
menu's ) we have talked about exercise, when I find interesting articles I
take them in, we also bring in things that we have found that are good to
eat and we share.
We share the good, the bad and the ugly. I hope your meetings get better.
If not you could always look for a new support group or like Bob Suggested
start your own, it is not hard to do.
— domestic G.
February 19, 2003
The support group that I go to is hosted by a woman who is over 2 years
post-op. She works at the hospital, but she's not in the medical field. So
she has access to the facilities but she doesn't have that "I know
what's best for you" attitude. Unfortunately, it is not the greatest
support group in the world. I can't remember the last time that we had a
speaker scheduled and he actually showed up. Oh, wait. I can. It was the
plastic surgeon. When he left the coordinator said, "I don't really
reccomend him, but I'm good friends with his girlfriend." Excuse me? I
think it's important to attend meetings, but honestly if ours doesn't get
better I will probably quit going. Thanks for letting me vent.
— Jenny S.
February 19, 2003
I had Dr. Appel in Decatur, GA for my surgery and the psychiatrist who does
most of his evals runs our group. It's phenomenal! Dr. Ritz (the psych
doc) doesn't get paid to do this...he's a slender guy...what's in it for
him? I really don't know. What I do know is that we are full of pre and
post ops..NO topic is off limits..NO one is chastised for poor
choices...the enviornment makes it easy to share when you make less than
stellar ones as a matter of fact. There is genuine love and concern on the
part of the members. We even have an online support group that anyone is
welcome to join. [email protected]
We welcome patients of other surgeons and have evolved into a rapidly
growing (*and shrinking!) family. There is no fee for this group. It is
not a mandatory part of Dr. Appel's program..it's all voluntary and we have
posties who are several years out that attend faithfully. It's Da Bomb!
— Sharon L.
February 19, 2003
Iris,
Is this the only support group in your area? If so yes, by all means talk
to the leaders supervisor--heck write an annonymous letter if you want, but
make it clear that you are unhappy and don't feel supported.
Hats off to being open to starting your own group.
Best of Luck to you!
— Peg L
February 19, 2003
If a group is too big it is not really a support group, it is either a
seminar or an advertisement. Start a small local group or if you have to
go to a big city or big group mtg. find a few people in your big group that
you "click" with and meet as a small group before or after the
mtgs.
— Dana S.
February 20, 2003
Iris, I agree with Dana. I haven't had surgery yet(Mar.14th)I went to the
nutritian class and was told the "Staplers Club" meets once a
month. There are 100 to 150 people at each meeting. I have a 3 hour drive
to get there. 100 to 150 people in a "support meeting" dosen't
interest me. So in order for me to feel "supported" I want to
participate in the group discussion. What are the chances of that with 150
people trying to do the same thing. I also want my support from my peers,
not just the medical people. That's why I come to this website.
— Debbie W.
February 21, 2003
Hi, It's me Iris, the original poster! I've talked to a few people from
the support group and it seems that they share my displeasure of the
support group and told me that if I start one of my own, they'd come to
mine! So I'm now searching for a space and a good time to hold the
meetings. Thanks for your guys' answers, they really helped! :)
— Iris B.
February 25, 2003
Hi Iris, by all means make your own support group. It sounds like your
'leader' doesn't really understand MO or WLS at all. I am Canadian and we
don't have doctor lead/sponsered support groups, we are on our own preop
and post op. But we do really well by sharing our research and being
supportive of the others in our group. Most of our groups are city or
county wide, everyone welcome pre or post op. It doesn't matter which
surgeon we have. Each surgeon's plan is a little different and we respect
that. There is a couple of different ppl who volunteer as 'leaders' who
are post op and they arrange the meeting place and start the topics of
conversation. We sometimes have a speaker, dietician, eating disorder
specialist, health food store person who brings in samples of protein
drinks for us. We each introduce ourselves and give a brief summary of our
journey. Then we take turns bringing up the good or bad that is going on
for each of us at that time. It is supportive and also social. Our meeting
are in neutral places-- no smoking, alcohol or eating. There are also
online obesity surgery support groups at Yahoo. Start your own and place a
small notice in your local newspaper. Good luck to you and your group. I
hope you find a way to find 'good' support.
mary ann t. in windsor ontario canada
— mary ann T.
February 25, 2003
WE do them in our home. Have for 8 yrs. When the group has gotten larger,
we split into 2 groups. I prefer an intimate group where everyone can speak
and not be lectured to. I attend lecture mtgs, but find that I'm there for
the social part, not the lecture. (zzzzzzzzz) It's free, I can always make
the mtgs (and people feel at home here, usually). I say DO start your own.
— vitalady
February 25, 2003
I don't know where you live, but for a place to meet, call a local
hospital. If there's only one hospital in your area and it's where your
surgeon's group meets, it might be a problem. However, most hospitals will
let you use a meeting room without chargin for it. I think they usually
want it to be health related, but this would certainly qualify. Also,
maybe your public library has a room, or you might be able to use a library
or similar room at a public school. Also, churches are usually open to
letting you use a room.
— garw
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