Question:
Anyone Have a Problem With Negative Body Image
I feel like a walking false advertisement. With my clothes on, I get complients a lot. This is a first for me and even though I've had all my plastic surgery done, I still feel unattractive without clothes and uneasy about my body naked. I have tons of stretch marks all over me that show up very well, scars from my ps and still a little skin sag, but not much. I don't want to become addicted to ps, so I'm trying to be let the little sag I have stay there and hope it gradually firms up. I've never had a boyfriend, because I was very shy. I'm not going to blame it on the weight, because many large women get men. I was just painfully shy. I still am, just not as bad and I've been meeting men on the internet and dating a lot. Whenever men talk about going to the next step, I get scared. If they mention something about seeing me in a bikini, taking off my clothes or fantasizing how I look naked, I feel bad because I know they will be disappointed. I feel like I need to warn them or tell them its not what they expect. I'm also self-conscious about my breast implants and wonder if they can tell or if I should tell them about that. I read Idiot's Guide to Being Sexy and it said not to tell your insecurities about your negative body parts, so I try not to do it. I know a lot of people are going to say I sound like I'm 16. I guess its because I am just staring out with the dating scene so late in life (in my 30's). I need any advice anyone is willing to give. Thanks so much! — Gay S. (posted on July 2, 2003)
July 2, 2003
Being sexy is about alot more than looking perfect. Picture Jack Palance,
craggy old, knobby man who has that mischievous gleam in his eye when he
says, "Confidence is sexy, don't you think so?" If you are
dating men who would dump you because you have some saggy skin in a bikini,
you need to start dating better men. And, lastly, try this exercise: Close
your eyes and picture yourself in a bikini, have it be alright with you
that you look exactly the way you do. Affirm to yourself that in life, the
roads you have taken with your body have been both good and bad, and praise
your body for supporting you so well. Promise your body that you will not
share it with anyone who doesn't respect it as the mere physical
manifestation of the who you really are. Now picture your spiritual,
emotional and intellectual beauty shining through every pore. Smile and
growl a little. Now go have some fun! Good Luck!
— merri B.
July 2, 2003
Personally the way I look at it is.... I would not want to be intimate with
someone that I didn't feel completely comfortable with in the first place.
If you feel that a man is going to be dissappointed in your naked body then
maybe that is not the right guy for you to be intimate with. You should
develop a relationship with someone first and not even be concerned about
how they will feel when or more importantly IF they get the chance to see
you naked. I would only share that information (PS and WLS) with someone I
felt close to and wanted to be apart of my life for the long haul. So if
all that is important to a man is how you look in a bikni and not what kind
of person you are on the inside then to HE!! with him anyway girlfriend!!!!
Take your time just date to have a good time and you will eventually find a
man that you are comfortable with.
— prettygreen13
July 2, 2003
I know this is going to be hard for you to believe, but men are really not
that picky. Women are way more critical of a naked body then men are. I
remember listening to a radio show, once, where this topic was discussed.
Most of the men said they don't sit and pick apart a women's body. They
are just grateful to be naked with a women and have sex. O.K., men, don't
yell at me for this, I'm just repeating what these men were saying.
Anyway, the general consensus was, men aren't that critical. If they care
about you (and I hope if you are having sex with them, then they do), they
won't care what your body looks like. Seriously think about this. . . how
many women out there, other than models and actresses, have great bodies.
I travel extensively and go to a lot of beaches and, believe me, there are
a lot of non perfect (and even awful) bodies out there. Just relax and
have confidence that you look good and it won't matter what marks you have
on your body. . .I promise!!
— Kathy S.
July 2, 2003
Body image is a tricky issue. I've said here and I say at my support group
meeting all the time...."I look good in my clothes but I'm a train
wreck underneath." Well, I really can't take credit for that phrase.
I was talking to one of my patients over a year ago and she'd met someone
on the internet and they'd met in person a few times and she felt it was
reaching the point that they'd be taking the next step toward a physical
relationship. She was so worried that she broke down crying and told him
"I look good in my clothes but I'm a train wreck underneath". He
comforted her and told her he loved her and to bring that train wreck right
on over. It didn't make any difference to him. They married shortly
thereafter and are happy as can be. I don't think we have to be a walking
advertisement for weight loss surgery but I do think if we're getting even
moderately close to someone we should put our cards on the table (even if
the Idiot's Guide To Being Sexy says not to). If we are seriously
considering someone as a possible spouse or long term relationship then
it's only fair for them to know that we may not be exactly like every other
woman on the outside. I also agree with the previous poster who said that
most men won't care. Once you reach the point where someone cares deeply
for you as a woman, the body image thing should be nothing more than a bump
in the road, if that. I had double mastectomy a year ago - on top of WLS
and plastics. I was so worried that my husband would never find me
desirable again but he said it isn't an issue at all and it hasn't been.
You'll find Mr. Right and he'll love you just the way you are, I just know
it. Best wishes!
— ronascott
July 2, 2003
I agree with Kathy, but I have proof -- my husband has told me the same
thing, that men don't always care about how your body looks, they just want
to get naked with you! The things you fear may be true for some men (some
women are that way too!), but those are the shallow people that we all can
avoid. Yes, it may be true that a man may not like a woman with a perfect
body, but those are usually the men that are just out to have sex with no
commitment or connection, and it doesn't sound like that's what you want.
When you meet someone and become friends, then closer than friends, then
boyfriend/girlfriend, etc, by the time it gets to sex, if it's someone that
you care about and that truly cares for you, the whole 'body image' thing
becomes less important because you care about that person as a person and
as someone you love, not just as a naked body. For example, my husband is
not Arnold Schwarzenegger in the body department, but ya know what? I love
his body because I love HIM, and it's part of what makes him who he is.
And there are alot of men out there who feel the same way about women as I
do about my husband. We all hear about the rude shallow jerks out there,
but there are so many great men out there too, and the right one will come
into your life when the time is right! I weighed 260 when I met my husband
and now 80 pounds heavier, he still loves me. It's not always about weight
and looks. Good luck!
— beeda
July 2, 2003
body image...ummm well I am post-op 3 yrs I have had 2 tummy tucks
one revision, arms, breast reduction and back fat removed and
let me tell you I still struggle with image. But there are
some beautiful sides to this think of all of the people in your
life who just had it all, looks, body popularity but us fat folks
have had all our lives to nurture the important really the only
part.....our INSIDE so then when we do get the surgery for the
outside, we should be good to go but I really believe that it stems
from being little and given our worthiness from our parents
on how they felt about us is how we feel about us. I just do not
have the answer but I do know we are lovable people who need to be
admired.......suzanne
— suzanne A.
July 2, 2003
You know, I struggle with the same thing (except that I have not had any
plastic surgery). I am starting to date and I worry about it. Not that I am
ready to get naked with anybody yet! But to be honest, nobody is perfect.
The next time you are at the beach, take a look around and stop imagining
that all eyes are on you. Women (and men) get older and things start to
droop a bit. It doesn't stop most of 'em from running around in a bathing
suit. My bad areas are the abdomen and breasts. But, do you know that my
friends who have never been MO have the same problems? One of my friends
got so frustrated at not having time to work out that she grabbed a handful
of her waist and said, "Just look at this gross stuff!" Do ya
know, it looked AWFUL familiar! LOL And she wears a size 10 on a bad day.
<p>Nobody is perfect and if you love somebody, you love all of them,
even their imperfections. (OK, maybe not the way they wad, I MEAN FOLD,
clothes LOL ;)
— ctyst
July 2, 2003
In your thirties is late in life?!?? I suddenly feel so old:( Please,
chick!!! You're just starting out!!! As to how you feel when you take your
clothes off...believe me, when you find the RIGHT MAN who is WORTH taking
off your clothes FOR..you will not feel uneasy. He will let you know that
you're loved no matter how you look. And you're self conscious about your
implants?? Anyone here think any man would NOT like her boobs with
implants?!?!? Please. Men are like little boys (sorry fellas!) when it
comes to boobies:) You know how some people say "There's no such
thing as bad sex!"? well correct me if I'm wrong here, but I think
most men feel that there are no such thing as bad boobs! (ESPECIALLY
IMPLANTS!! looked at playboy lately??)
Forget the idiots guide to being sexy. Be yourself. THAT IS SEXY!!
Now go get em, tiger!! Knock em dead!!!
— kathy B.
July 3, 2003
What? You think he's perfect under his clothes? Not likely. Sex is 90%
mental anyway. So take your time, get to know him and don't dwell on what's
wrong with your body. Do you care if he's not perfect? Who he is inside is
more important than the package. And who you are is more important to him.
Good luck
— Sunny S.
January 30, 2006
I am 51 and have been over weight snce I got pregnant with my 1st of 7
children. I have been divorced for 21 years, and am 3 years post op.6
months ago I met the most amazing man, physically not at all what I thought
I would be interested in, but he makes me feel amazing everyday. I think I
look great in clothes on but as earlier stated a train wreck underneath. My
gentleman friend has me look at myself in the mirror every morning and tell
myself I am beautiful. It helps to know that even with my body image
problems he does not see the. He only sees me and the really good ones will
do just that, they will see you and not your imperfections. When was the
last time you looked as good as you do right now? Hold your head up and be
proud of what you have done.
— deborahdevaney
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