Question:
Being with an alcoholic & this causing eating problems
I have to post this question anonymously because this is something that I, personaly, am going through. Has anyone been with an alcoholic, either husband or boyfriend, and realized that his drinking is what has caused you to eat all the time, am I the only one that is going through this? I'm beginning to wonder if his drinking or my weight is more painful. — [Anonymous] (posted on January 13, 2001)
January 13, 2001
If you believe that the "drinker" in your life my attribute
to your weight, then you might want to speak with a psychologist
on this matter. The idea is to identify and release the stressors
from your life so that you may concentrate on YOU. If that's
being threatened then you need to seek professional help to
get you through it. Just remember that usually if we find one problem
then others seem to "pop up" when we least expect them to.
— [Anonymous]
January 13, 2001
Dear Anonymous,
Certainly an alcoholic in the family can send us into a depression
easily. I grew up with an alcoholic dad and definately know that food was
my solice. It was also "my addiction". I used food for
everything, comfort, a friend, something to do etc. It's not easy having
someone like that in your house and living that life every day. I will say
this...I definately would seek counseling because more likely than not, you
are in a depression because of circumstances. Possibly you are codependant
also and because of this, you have chosen food as your outlet. All I know
is that my dad's drinking changed the coarse of my life and made me a
different person than I would have been. Every experience in our lives is
a learning experience and possibly what you have to learn now, is more
about yourself than about the "drinker" in your family. Once you
understand how you really feel about all this and why you stay in that
environment, you can become stronger and possibly you will be one of the
few of us who don't need surgery. I dare say though, that as someone else
said, once you open that can of worms, there may be alot of other
underlying things that you will have to sort out too. I wish you only the
best and I definately can feel your pain. If you want to write to me
please feel free to do so. I am certainly one who can understand.
— Barbara H.
January 14, 2001
Please, please get yourself to a counselor! The abuse of alcoholism is
septic and gets into our whole self, causing multiple concerns from weight
to psyche to spirituality. You need outside assistance to make yourself
who you want to be--believe it from one who has been there and now counsels
others in self help and healing
— [Anonymous]
January 14, 2001
From personal experience, I think it's likely that being with an alcoholic
can cause you to seek out comfort elsewhere. Food is something that many
of us have
turned to. There are few people that are as selfish as an active
alcoholic. This in turn can reek
havoc on your self esteem. You should strongly consider finding an Al-Anon
group to go to. You'll find
people just like yourself dealing with this very issue. Often just finding
out that you are not alone
with issues like you face can be very powerful. You can also hear how
other people have found help.
Remember, you can only change you. It's important you focus on yourself
right now. In doing so, you may also find a way
to help the alcoholic in your life. Very best of luck to you. With
support, it does get better.
— [Anonymous]
January 14, 2001
I was married to an alcoholic for 8 1/2 years, my junior high and high
school sweetheart. We were together a total of 14 years. His constant
belittling of me, late nights out at the bar, stress over no money because
I had to deposit my paycheck to cover his "bar" checks, etc.
Yeah, I ballooned 60 pounds in the first 2 years of our marriage. For years
I was convinced this was the best I could do. When we divorced I lost 70
pounds. I wish I could blame my weight on him. But, unfortunately, I gained
back that 70 plus 30 more. He wasn't around then so I had to accept that my
weight gain was my "addiction" and a problem of my own making. My
surgery was Nov 1,2000. I have had no chocolate in 14 months and no
caffeine at all in 3 months. That was a MAJOR step for me. I can't remember
a time when I didn't drink 3 cokes a day. The stress in your life can
contribute to your weight, but my friend, it is you that will have to stand
up for yourself. No one else is going to do it for you. God bless you and
help you with your decisions.
— [Anonymous]
January 14, 2001
My husband has a drug/alcohol problem, but I was overweight before I met
him. Had I felt better about myself though, I would not have put up with
all the crap that goes along with being marreid to an addict. Instead, I
just took it and gained more weight. Now that I am feeling better about
myself, I have the courage to do something about it. I told my husband
right before Christmas that he either seeks help, or to pack his bags. He
starts counceling this week -Thank God because I do want to make a life
with him. I'm just going to insist on a healthy life. I agree that
seeking some professional help for yourself is warranted. Whatever the
reason for your weight issues, you need to identify and deal with them to
be truly sucessful at losing weight. Good luck and God bless. Please feel
free to email me directly if you want to.
— Angela J.
April 16, 2001
Dear Anonymous,
I have been with a alcoholic for six years and it will be seven in June. I
always thought because of my weight I could
never do better. Honestly I am only ten days post op form open rny but I
have already lost 25 pds. In answering your question I do agree to a
certain point that the stress from being with a alcoholic is not only
unbearable but it caused me to eat a lot. I had to really analyze why I was
eating so much. The six years we have been together I gained a total of 100
pds. I have begged and pleaded with him to get help but he does not want to
do so. I decided to take my life back and before I had my surgery I put his
butt out I decided the surgery was a groundbreaking experience for me and
that I did not need any negativity in my life. Good luck and God Bless and
decide what is better for you a healthy life or a life in hell because
trust me alcoholics who are not trying to get help don't want to change and
they are not going to change and you can't make them change so live your
life and each day to the fullest.
— [Anonymous]
August 16, 2001
His drinking is no more a cause of your overeating than your overeating is
the cause of his drinking. Addicts don't need a reason to abuse our
substance of choice. But we are really good at blaming the people around
us for it and justifying our poor choices. The responses to your post have
been good. Help yourself first. Good Luck!
— merri B.
May 21, 2002
Hello! I am 10 months post-op (open RNY). I was married to an alcoholic
for 15 years. I have asked myself that question many times. Three months
ago, I ended the relationship because I finally realized how unhealthy and
unhappy my marriage was. I have lost 145lbs. since surgery. I can
honestly say the weight was a symptom of the unhealthy relationship, but
the weight loss seemed to help me gain enough self-esteem to realize I have
the right to be happy and healthy!! I pray that God will help you come to
your own best decision. I wish you happiness and good health always!
Debbie
— dsis611
July 9, 2002
His drinking is not causing you to overeat. I dated an alcoholic for 18
miserable years!!! My eating got worse when I married the most wonderful
man in the world. The eating issues were there before you met him, in fact
misery loves company and that's probably what attracted you to him to begin
with. Who we date reflects on what we really feel about ourselves. My
advice is to leave him. Your food issues will still be there but you'll be
able to focus on them now that you are not focusing on his drinking. Good
luck.
— jewelsemt
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