not losing

 well, im following kaos's example, and posting. i have been mia for awhile aswell. ive been depressed. had quite the crazy summer. after my rny on june 5th, i was doing really well. then i got terribly ill with my gallbladder, almost died, hasd it removed, then was home from that trip to the hospital for only 2 days, went out for the day came home to the flippin rainforrest in my dining and living rooms. me and my fam were relocated to place louis reil for over 3 weeks, while they fixed our house, thankfully we had insurance. in fact they still come to finish a few things that need doing, not quite there yet.... anyways, since then ive been very overwhelmed. i used to have very quiet days to myself, which i really needed, with my borderline personality disorder. i started trying to work on my spirituality,started biting my nails again, quit using my cpap machine, work on losing weight, start larping ( live action role-playing) , my dad is in the hospital, again.. and this year my daughter started kindergarten so no more daycare. so i now get her up, get her ready which is always a fight, get her off to school. then i nap till she comes home. no more quiet time. if only i could stay awake in the afternoons, but im wiped out. think im anemic again, getting labs this week. havent had labs since surg. so thats whats going on in my life, kinda alot for me, probably not for most of you ladies, that are just amazing to me. but heres the big problem, im 5 months out, ive only lost 25lbs!!!!!!!! im eating crappy, drinking slurpees, drinking alcohol, not excercising..... i went back to edmonton for my follow ups last week... finally. they kicked my ass. so since then ive decided, screw everything else i was trying to work on, time to focus on my health. i havent had any liquid calories since, and im back on my cpap at least, but im starting all over again. i feel like a total failure, im failing at this weight loss thing, which is crazy cuz i lost like 80lbs on my own before surg! and even after surg i was on track, but the last couple months, i completly fell off the wagon in so many ways. so im hoping by putting this out there. and by focusing only on my health, i can start losing again. i hope by posting this i prevent someone else from taking this path after their surg, stay diligent!! your health should be your only focus!! im gonna start coming back on here, its a great support, i think i need you guys! hugs to all, sorry this was so very long, lol

Firstly, I'm sorry for your troubles, it's hard when they seem to all come up at once.  They say God doesn't give you more than you can handle...... it probably doesn't seem that way

It was posted on here about couselling not to far back from someone else who was struggling, maybe you should consider trying to get in on that?  I don't think it would hurt.

It sounds like you know what you are doing wrong, that's half the battle, now you just have to MAKE YOURSELF do things right.  No one can do this for you, except you.  Start slow, see your doctor for the depression, you've been sick with your gallbladder so don't beat yourself up about the past couple of months BUT do go forward with your plans that you had for yourself just a few short months ago.

Come to the M & G on Tuesday, they'll be lots of inspiration, people might bring stuff to try and they'll be CLOTHES! (my personal lure haha)

You don't have to go this alone, everyone is right here.

Good to have you back posting, but sorry you had a rough summer.  I have been doing the same as you recently and need to get back on track with the cpap machine. I need to get mine re adjusted it is too strong for me now.  I had to make myself a schedule for keeping track of things like vitamins etc.  My daughter laughed when I put it on the fridge and asked if I was going to give myself gold stars.  LOL.  But it is working I check off when things get done. Im like you I really need my quiet time and will stay up till 4 am to get it. (don't recomend thatI hope you turn things around for yourself.  What you accomplished on your own before surgery is amazing.  YOU CAN DO IT.  Barb

Hey Nikki..good to hear from you! I dont think any of us have it figured out and those who do, well, good for them!

For me, I need to remind myself that even though we have had our insides adjusted, our heads can still be in the same "I want comfort" place ( I know mine still does that to me ALOT).I just go to all the other things that being me comfort and try to stay away from the junk. .Its not always easy but at least I try..thats all we can ask of ourselves is to give it our best shot. You have had alot to deal with and I think its very wise that you take some time just for you now..you certainly deserve it!

Like Granny said, we are all in this together!

It's so true . We had surgery on our stomachs and not our heads. I know at 6 months I know it is super easy to eat around my sleeve. It really still takes work to lose. More so as you move along . I know it took me 6 months to lose 90 lbs and I suspect it will take me 6 months to lose the last 30 lbs.

I think it takes courage to come here and post. I feel you are turning this around and WILL become successful now. You know what to do , just need to do it.

Hope to see you on Tuesday!

you ladies are awesome! thank you for the encouragment. this certainly isnt what i had expected when i had my surg.

niki

One day at a time Nikki.   I know I have to work very hard at this new life everyday.  Some days I feel like the only things I think about are eating, drinking water , vitamins and exercise.   Finding a balance is tricky for sure.   You're heading in the right direction.  It's time to take care of yourself ,  you deserve to feel better and be healthier and live longer!   It's hard work but so worth it.  Hope to see you at the meet and greet on the 30th.