Freaking out.. just need to rant. Unsupportive parent.

 So I haven't told my dad which surgery I am having because he has been crazy busy and in a bad mood every time he comes home. I have a panic disorder so I can't deal with him getting upset at me/being in a bad mood. So I have just been doing my own research for months and finally decided on the sleeve for obvious good reasons. He wanted me to have the lap band. I printed out a lot of information for him on the sleeve because my appointment is tomorrow and he immediately freaked out and started yelling that it's unacceptable and he won't support it. He claims his sister did it and it ruined her life. Considering my aunt is like 64 and she has surgery like 20 years ago, I seriously doubt she had the sleeve. I think he's mistaken.

I have spent the last 20 minutes hysterically crying while trying to tell him to listen to me. I told him all the reasons the lap band isn't going to work (my BMI is way high, band slippage/erosion, the band not lasting more than 5 years, fills that I can't afford) and that I have to live the rest of my life with this surgery. And if I have to have major surgery, I am only going to do it ONCE. I'm not going to deal with revisions and failures. I explained the benefits of the sleeve and how I would retain all my WORKING parts. I explained it could be so much worse, I could be getting bypass or DS and rearranging intestines and all that. And I am not comfortable with that.

So after 20 minutes he finally said "Well, there isn't anything I can do to convince you otherwise. So ok." and he gave me a hug and I said I wanted to be around for as long as I could be. I want to be there for him because I know he's going to be around a good while too. (he has rheumatoid arthritis.) So about 5 mins later he's asking me about protein and vitamins and stuff.. and if I have to eat all the time and I'm like "nope.. 3 meals a day like a normal person." so maybe he's coming around. I have to say that's the most intense speech I've ever had to give and I think I sold it. My god Marisa, calm down. lol.

Anyway.. I just wanted to rant here.. I'm still worried but I begged him to think about it because I know I am doing the right thing. Thanks in advance for listening..

Good for you for sticking up for yourself and not letting him talk into something you don't want. You know he only wants the best for you. It's good to have support of our families but sometimes it takes a lot of work to get it. Good luck!!

Parents worry. It's in our parent contracts. Your being calm and discussing the proceedures with him is helpful. I had my surgery at 54 years old -- my dad is 85 years old. He supported me, came to visit me at the hosptial, and sat and dozed while I got through the first few days post op -- he wanted to "help" -- which was cute, because I had to cook for him....just goes to show you that the dynamics remain the same no matter how old you are.

Print out some reading materials for your dad and let him take a look himself. Or print stuff out, and leave them on the coffee table -- he will find them. good luck to you !!!

I have to say that at times I am much like your father when it comes to ANY risk for my daughter...She has told me many times that I react like that, (personally I don't see it lol ) but in the end I love her and will be there for her no matter what comes out of my mouth when I'm scared and worried about her.

There is love there I think.

good luck with your surgery

Donna

You and I share the same surgeon, I was sleeved at the end of May.  If it helps at all, please share with your father that my experience has been wonderful to date.  Everyone is different, but I had ZERO complications post surgery, this guy knows what he is doing.  Best to you.

 Thanks, I really appreciate your response. I have heard nothing but good things about Dr. Quilici and hopefully he lives up to the hype. I will be meeting him tomorrow.

He was just being a caring father - he obviously is just worried and wants to make sure you do the right thing for you.

It seems like as he learned more about it.....he was more on board.  He may have thought you were getting a VBG (Vertical Banded Gastroplasty) which is basically the old "stomach stapling" which did not work very well and hardly anyone does it anymore.

He is probably like most people....they think the band is the best thing based on its popularity and advertising and don't know the real stats...and its great you came to a place like OH and could find out the real deal and make your own mind up.  Educate him and things will be ok.

I even thought I wanted a lap band at first because I didn't know what else was out there.

I know you said he is busy but maybe he can come to one of your doctor appts or a support group meeting or something?  My wife did that and it really helped get her on board.  That way he can ask any questions he has and talk to real people that have been successful.

Good luck!

 Yeah, I know. I'm just worried because he can be super stubborn (it's genetic though, mwahaha) and it can be very frustrating. I would love to get him into one of my appts/meetings but he works 18 hr days, 7 days a wee****il November-i****'d be hard to get him into anything anytime soon. But who knows how long it'll take me to get approved, so, we will see I guess.