I'm terrified - surgery is scheduled for Monday

I don't know what's wrong with me, but ever since my pre-op appointment at the hospital yesterday to do the EKG, chest X-ray and get blood taken for labs, I've been just terrified. So terrified, I don't know if I can go through with this.  The fear really started when I was asked if I had an advance directive. I shouldn't have been caught off guard, but I was. I'm not an overly dramatic person, but the fear is debilitating.  I don't know what to do.  I'm so emotional.  I really thought I'd made my peace with everything.  I've thought about this, discussed it, researched it, and now that it's almost time I just don't know what to do.  I've never had any type of surgery before.  I've only ever had an epidural as far as anesthetia goes.  I feel like I have no one to talk to.  I try to explain how I'm feeling to my mom or my husband, and they just don't get it.  Ugh, I'm sorry for the stream of consciousness.  

 *huge hugs*

Boy have we all been there! I wanted so bad to be on cloud 9 and excited, instead my head started spinning, my family was ready to have me commited! 
Your right where you need to be, deep breaths! Soon that part will just be a memory and you'll be on the other side!  Congrats and good luck!!

It is the big unknown. Of course you're terrified!

Do you trust your doctor?  Do you trust the process?

I was very Zen going into surgery. I think my surgeon was surprised at how calm I was, but I just turned it over to him (my surgeon) and let go and figured if I died on the table I wouldn't know so there was no reason to sweat it.

What part of this do you think you haven't made peace with? The food? The change in you that will be inevitable (at least initially)? 

I trust my doctor.  I trust the process.  I trust my instincts. I think I've made peace with the food and the changes as much as is possible before it happens.  I think I'm mostly afraid I'm going to die.  I know we all die, but I have an 11th month old daughter that I don't want anyone else to raise.  Which is a portion of why I want the surgery, and why I am terrified of getting the surgery.  I don't know.  I'm pretty healthy in general, but I know it's only a matter of time before my weight starts ravaging my health.  I think I'm mainly terrified of the unknown.  I like absolutes.  I like control.  Being put under scares the bejeezus out of me.  Maybe the pre-op diet is messing with me too.  Thanks for letting me vent.  It gets really lonely and scary in my head all by myself sometimes...if that sentence makes any sense at all.

Makes total sense. The odds that you won't die are pretty darned good. I was under the knife for my breast reduction for HOURS. My VSG took about 40 minutes start to finish.

You feel exactly how I feel...I can only offer virtual hugs. Hope it goes well.

Oh yeah, I got scared when they asked me for the advanced directive too. I was thinking I didn't know what I wanted done. The very first time I had anesthesia (sp) I really thought I was going to die and I was crying while they were putting the IV in and all the way up to the operating room. It's normal to be terrified. The way I looked at it was if I died during surgery, I would die eventually from all my comorbidities so I might as well do it and possibly have an amazing life. I don't know how big you are but I was 380 pounds at 29 years old so it was worth the risk. We all get cold feet but you have to work through it and just do it. Most people on this board have ended up very happy with the outcome. Just weigh the odds. People dying from this surgery is so low. I'd definitely take those odds in Vegas. I understand it's your life that we're talking about but just imagine how many people go under every day. I have to have a gall bladder surgery soon and I promise I'm not scared at all after having the VSG. I guess because it's your first time the fear is overwhelming. When you wake up (and after the pain of the first day) you'll be happy. Be forewarned though, a lot of us have buyer's remorse but you'll get over that too.

YOU'LL BE FINE!

I wrote letter to my children, put them with my will, and told a friend where it all was, just in case.  After that, I felt very calm and ready.  I'm sorry that the advanced directive had the opposite effect for you. 

You're going to be fine.  They know what they're doing.  I'm 4 months out, and although I'm not losing as fast as some on here seem to, I'm feeling better than I have in 20 years. 

I'm 5'6, 250lbs and 31.  I'm miserable, living a half life, destroying my marriage.  I know what it's like to be thin because for 1.5 wonderful years, I was.  I simply couldn't maintain it, no matter how hard I tried and that was the only time in my entire life that I was thin.  I know I can be compliant.  I know I can eat to live rather than live to eat.  I just need help.  

You're right, I would take those odds in Vegas. Thanks for the all caps.  I think I kind of need to be yelled at.  :)

 ooohh sweetie,  Is totally normal to be a bit freak out.   I was scared too, i think everybody here was scared out of their minds too it a normal feeling.   I think you need to just take a deep breathe.   Trust your doctor and everything is going to be fine.  Three months from now we are going to be laughing about your freak out.   You'll see.