Intervention? Or mind my own business?

Hey guys. I am 9 months post-op myself, but my sister in law had the sleeve a month after I did. My husband was talking to his brother the other day (his wife is the one I am referring to) about how I was doing and comparing between the two of us. According to the husband, she throws up constantly from eating too much. She does not follow any type of diet really, nor does she exercise at all. I have a sinking feeling that she will end up gaining all of the weight back. We are not very close, relationally or physically (we are in Texas, they are in California). I am concerned, though I'm not sure what to do, or if I should do anything for that matter. So can I get some opinions and/or ideas? Thanks in advance. :)

Let me preface this by saying my second wife was a kook and when she had about 80% of her stomach taken out, because of ulcers, she constantly overate and would throw up or dump. She absolutely refused to have anyone tell her, even her own body, what to do.

So my point is that if your sister-in-law isn't a kook, then sure go ahead and give her a call. Maybe she is at a loss with how to live with the sleeve. She is family...which usually means that no good intention goes unpunished but you can at least try to help.

She isn't exactly a 'kook.' :) She is educated, she's a guidance counselor at a high school, which seems kind of ironic given the point of this post. On the bright side, I imagine it can't really hurt our relationship if I bring this up with her, since we don't have much of one to begin with. We had talked a couple of times right after she had her surgery. I gave her a lot of ideas and advice as to what my plan was. It seemed maybe she was in denial about what her own plan was, or trying to get around it maybe?

I'd use the husbands as the buffer and make it right so you two can talk "shop"......if she's up for it that is.....

frisco

That's a good idea, if I get the husbands to play along. I am not sure if she is up for it given what's going on with her. As I said in my other reply, I get the idea from when I talked to her that she was trying to get around changing her diet. Now that I think about it, back in January I had gone to Olive Garden for one of my brother in law's birthday. I only ate some grilled chicken, but she was saying to indulge. I couldn't for the life of me figure that one out. I am not having bread or pasta until it's been a year, and even then very sparingly until I am in maintenance. I can't fathom how different our thoughts on diet are. I am a little worried that I would come off as a ***** to her, which makes me lean towards the husband 'buffer' idea.

Depending on your relationship, you could just mention that her husband was saying something about her throwing up alot of the time and you were concerned.  If she starts telling you it because she eats too much then you can start telling her what you do.  You can use it as a way to compare what her doctors have said compared to yours.  It also can become dangerous for her to continually throw up.  Don't ruin your relationship with her.  If she is open to hear your advice then go for it.  If she isn't going to listen then it is not going to do you any good to pursue it any further.  She has to be open to change but at least you will have tried.

Thanks for your thoughts. :) I have pretty much decided I need to reach out somehow, no matter the route. If not for her own well-being, then for their children.

Just keep leading by example and if she wants to do it correctly, maybe she will come ask you.  I am very open with everyone about my surgery and I offer to help anyone that has questions, but I back off if they really don't want my help.  Hopefully the husbands as a buffer will work, but don't be surprised if she does not respond.  Some people get the surgery thinking it is magic pill and are so disappointed when it doesn't work for them.  The real trouble was that they spent more time trying to figure out what they could get away with and not just doing it the right way.  I have some family members that had the surgery and are perfectly content getting sick when they eat 2 dozen cookies and enchiladas and whatever else they shove in their sleeves.

Thanks for your response. I am kind of thinking she has that mindset. I can't fathom it though, it's hard to relate. I don't understand how throwing up once, even twice wouldn't make someone realize their limits, even if they want to eat crap. I have not thrown up once since surgery, I just don't get it. :/

Since I have learned so much from using this forum, maybe suggesting (whether it's directly or through your husbands) she check things out on here might help. This is where I got my "plan" from and it's working beautifully. Then again, I was ready to do whatever it takes to get healthy and get the weight off. If she's not at that point, she probably won't listen to anything you or anyone else has to say. Good luck! :)