The ball's a-rollin'!! :)
So I started my VSG-ball rolling yesterday. I have an appointment with the family doc to start my 6-month pre-surgery insurance-required diet (and to get my cholesterol re-checked, it was 247 4 months ago, ugh). I reached out to my insurance company to gather all required details about their coverage for surgery and ask them to provide a list of BCBS of AL PPO In-Network bariatricians near Atlanta. The hubster is on board with me, supporting me 110%, and I'm doing my research!!
I never jump into anything lightly. I weigh the risks and benefits. I look at all angles of options to see what best suits my needs and expectations. I KNOW this is the right decision for me.
Last night, the hubster and I went to a dinner for his work, it was a celebration of longevity with the company. First, my hubby works at a bakery. Not a small, fancy pretty giant cake-making bakery, but a commercial bakery. They make bread for grocery stores. It's a large company. He's the accountant of the branch here in Villa Rica, GA (po-dunk middle o' nowhere town 40 mins west of Atlanta). So we get all pretty and fancy, go to this restaurant, and I seriously felt like a beached whale. My dress was stretchy, but I still felt like a cow. It was in that situation, squeezing between chairs and feeling horrendously uncomfortable in my dress, then catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror that I realized that I DESERVE to be happy. I deserve to feel comfortable in my own skin. And I don't. Not now. Not ever. I don't want to go to a nice place with my hubby, and squish into chairs, or between seats, or feel like when I'm shaking someone's hand, my arm-fat is wobbly, or that I have no neck, or that my butt cheeks are hanging off the sides of the chair.
I want to feel good about myself. I want to hold my head high and know that I am healthy! The only time I was ever 'happy-ish' was when I lost weight using the hCG diet. I lost 28 lbs, I was down to 204, but that diet was so difficult because of starving. 500 calories a day on a REGULAR fat stomach was so tough. I can do the calorie-counting, food-measuring, weight-monitoring. I can't starve myself though. I just hope that my insurance company doesn't make things too difficult for me. I have high cholesterol and high blood pressure. I can't reach my toes without bending my knees (and a fair bit of discomfort). I want a life. This surgery for me means a new life. The life I'm meant to have. Everything else in my life is perfect: awesome hubby, 2 smart and wonderful kids, amazingly awesome house, great car, the best job ever. I just feel like a barnyard animal. I can't truly enjoy my life when i look in the mirror every day and hate what I see. I can't love myself when there's just so much to love.
I'm done being squishy! I'm done working my butt off to starve and lose a half pound. Drastic times call for drastic measures. And this isn't so much drastic as I hope it to be fantastic! :)
PS Seeing the befores/afters on this page really motivates me. It's going to be a lot of hard work and pain, but I've been there, done that. :) I hope that I can share super awesome befores/afters too! I look forward to my journey.
Thanks for listening to my hump-day rant! :)
-Josie
